Need to breathe

This morning I woke up, ate half a bagel, and took some medications. I walked a few laps around the house and started feeling some pain in my hip/leg. This strange pain has been pretty much consistent the past couple of days. It starts in my lower back and goes down through my hip and into my leg. After some research, it seems as if I'm having troubles with my sciatic nerve. Let's hope it will go away soon. Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment, so maybe they can offer me some help. I think I'm getting x-rays, too. I hope I'm taller. ;)


Mark and the kids were in Jeff City until 3, so I napped, walked, and chatted with my parents until they got back. Lynne came over for a little bit, of course toting her signature Milagro soup in hand. :) She helped me calm down about the whole job situation. Basically, I'm freaking out that I haven't sent out enough applications. This surgery has set me back so far in terms of the job search, and I hate being behind. I'm not the type of person that waits until the last minute, and I feel like this operation is making me do that. Every time I sit down to work on an application, I either get tired from my medications or I don't have enough stamina to sit in a chair without pain. I just feel like everyone else is leaps and bounds ahead of me because they can take any steps necessary to get their foot in the door. I can't substitute teach until I heal up. Which means I can't get my face out there and in other schools for at least another month and a half. I just need to pray for patience. Everything will work out as it's supposed to, even if it's not like I would plan myself. God has a life set for me that will unfold in his time, not mine. Any additional prayers from someone reading this would be appreciated. I know I'm not going to nail the best job in the best district right off the bat, I just want to make some sort of income so that I can start paying my parents back for all they have provided for me over the years. The whole surgery thing kind of puts all of my plans to a halt, so I need to lay it at the feet of someone who is way more capable of handling it than I am.


I try to update people on tiny pieces of information that might help someone who is going to have this surgery in the future. Here are my thoughts for today. Some people like sleeping on their side post-op. However, when I do this, it seems to be more trouble than anything. I have to roll on my side while my mom shoves a bunch of pillows behind my back to wedge me sideways. I can sleep for a little bit, but then I wake up because either my arm has fallen asleep, my hip is throbbing with pain, or my shoulder is aching hardcore. Sleeping on my back seems to be the best. Regardless, I wake up at some point during the night and have to get up and walk around. I generally take whatever pain pill is due, then try and fall back asleep in a different position. I also feel more comfortable when I'm laying on my back to pull my knees up. For example, I'm laying flat on the bed, but my knees are bent, making an "A" shape above the bed. I feel like it relieves some pressure on my back. Maybe it's all in my head. Regardless, I think everyone has to find what is comfortable for them when it comes to sleeping positions.


I hope this blog has brought some sort of comfort or information to people who need it. I may ramble a bit, but I hope it gives you a picture of what the recovery process entails. Pain, anger, sadness, anxiety, success, and relief are all a part of this crazy adventure. Be prepared to experience all kinds of different emotions and physical feelings. I know I'm not going through this alone, and this verse proves it to me:


The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake. Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me 
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows. 
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.