I woke up this morning pretty excited about going to my doctor's office for a check up. I got dressed, successfully got in the car (which is a big accomplishment now), and headed to the Center for Advanced Medicine. Dad dropped us off right in front of the building, and we went straight up to the usual floor. I told mom that today was the first day I've ever walked into Dr. Bridwell's office unafraid. For ten years I've had appointments, scared that he was going to talk about having surgery. Guess what? I faced that hurdle and it's over. The receptionist sent me straight to radiology where I changed into a gown for x-rays. This time they put me in a stand-up machine that seemed like an upright tanning bed or some sort of teleportation device. I had to hold on to this bar about eye-level as the machine circled my body and took an x-ray. After that was over, I went to Bridwell's waiting room. When I got there, I saw a girl that goes to Webster. She was visiting the office for the first time, and I got to talk to her about how great of physicians there are at CFAM. She seemed more at ease, and I felt happy that I could calm someone's nerves.
Bernie came out and took us back to her office. She put up the films of my new spine, and let's just say I wasn't too happy. In my eyes, it seemed like there was very little curvature correction. Mom and Dad beg to differ. She asked if we had any questions, and we talked for a bit about what to do now. They lowered my dosage of medications (only one oxycontin a day now) and said I could shower now. When she mentioned a shower I think I almost hugged her. We talked with Bernie for a little bit more, then headed home. On the ride home, I started having horrible pain. It started in my lower back, moved to my hip, and shot all the way down my right leg. It got to the point where I could barely move anything. Dad got me out of the car and eventually in bed. The pain was the worst I've had since surgery. Mom calmed me down and I finally fell asleep. Once the kids got home, I got up and was feeling much better. We had a delicious dinner of chili and tamales. Afterward, Dad wheeled my chair into the family room and we watched some home videos. Elly and Wilson were sooooo cute when they were little. Not much has changed. :)
I decided it was finally time to take a shower, so Dad helped me up the stairs. Can you believe it? I climbed a flight of stairs exactly two weeks post operation. I took the shower (with much apprehension) and felt so great afterwards. I was so scared about what my incision would feel like with water hitting it, or if I would slip on the floor of the shower. I came out unscathed and with clean hair. :) Mom pulled a few of my steri strips off since Bernie said they need to come off when they're loose. Steri strips are these little bandages that are completely covering my incision. There were probably 25 or so to start off with. It feels so weird now to have my tshirts touching parts of my incision. Before long the entire scar will be uncovered!
As for now, I'm going to head to bed. My disappointment with the curvature correction has waned. At first, I was very upset because the reason I had this surgery was to get a straighter spine so that later in life it won't cause my ribs to compact on my internal organs. Today I thought, what's the point if my spine is still pretty crooked? I was waiting for a moment of relief that my spine is finally straight, and I didn't get that. However, I'm coming to terms with the fact that my doctor knew exactly what was best for me and he did it. I am fixed as much as I should be fixed, and that is all. Through this process I'm learning patience and acceptance. Some things we can't control or change, and that's okay. <3
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