Justin Timberlake's Bday

Happy birthday, Justin. I know it's the big 3-0, but as Sarah said, age is just a number. :p I woke up late today...probably my body compensating from all the energy I exerted yesterday. Nonetheless, I got to talk with Sarah on the phone for a bit. That was good, considering I rarely get to catch her when she's not busy now that school is back in session. I miss her! Her mom actually came by and brought a few things. First, she brought me new contacts and some solution (hooray!) since I didn't bring the ones I needed down here. I am very thankful for her taking the time to come out here. It was good to see a smiling face. :) She also brought Sarah's present to me for my bday. I got a sweet book called "Crazy Love". So many of my friends have been telling me that I need to read it, so I guess now is the time! I got balloons, flowers, and a stuffed animal too. :D Thanks Sarah and Dawn! Dad brought home some lunch from Little Miss Muffin and poor Macie whined the whole time she saw me eating it. Dad has been amazing lately, running errands constantly for Mom and I. He's always either driving to Jackson or Cape to drop something off or pick something up or do anything he can to help. He bought a new DVD/Bluray player today since our DVD player pooped out on us. We noticed it after watching Avatar and the characters were all green lol. I'll have to try out a schnazzy bluray movie sometime soon. Dinner consisted of food from My Daddy's Cheesecake. Yum! I tried a new sandwich I've never had. Look at me being all adventurous lol. After dinner we watched a little TV while I tried to get rid of my hip pain. Yesterday I had very little and today it came in spurts. Most annoying pain of the day? Most definitely the random stabbing sensations I have on my right hip area. They come so fast and hurt so much they almost make me scream. It freaks Mom out a bit when I randomly howl in pain, but it's just my body's immediate reaction. I'm wondering if some stitch has popped loose inside my skin or if the hardware is scraping against a muscle or what. I'm just weirded out by pains that I can't find their source. I expect back pain, that's a given. But as for strange momentary "I'm getting pricked by needles" pains, those are from left field. Anywho, I walked around some more, listening to my newly updated ipod that has songs Ryan was nice enough to lend me. It's funny how music motivates me to walk. I usually either use the time to pray, contemplate job interview questions, or listen to music lol. Tonight's music choice was a little Destiny's Child, some Usher, and (yes I'm ashamed to say it) Justin Bieber. Whatever makes me want to walk, I'll listen to it. I welcome any suggestions for those of you who jam while you're at the gym. Mom and I started to watch Invictus (or however you spell it) but I fell asleep halfway through it. My body is so strange right now with sleep. I swear it needs like 10 hours before it's content lol. I have to get out of that habit before I move back to St. Louis. I guess my body is finally making me listen to its demands for rest and healing. But it's just more fun filling out applications and sitting down to pet my dog. Which, by the way, was a success today. Today was the first day where we let her our of her cage while I was walking. She didn't attempt to jump up on me or anything! She was such a good girl, just being calm and playing with her toy. She even let me scratch her belly on the couch for a bit :) Canine therapy is a good thing. On a random note, I'm considering making a video to post on youtube featuring pictures I've taken throughout the surgery process. I've put pictures on facebook, but I want people who aren't my fb friends to be able to see my journey and possibly help someone who is headed down that same path soon. I guess I'll just use some of my downtime to put a video together and hope it inspires someone. It's weird how some of the weakest times of your life lead to the biggest blessings. I don't want to get all sappy and cliche, but if anyone reading this is going through a rough time, please try to think positively. There really is power in positive thinking, and I hope you are able to look past the current chaos and find beauty in small things. When I was in Hawaii, there was one certain flower that I looked at, and it was during a time where I was kind of freaking out about the impending surgery. For some reason, that flower totally made me realize how wide and huge and gigantic this world is, and how much intricacy and beauty is found everywhere. We live in a world that tends to dwell on what we don't have, but we should focus on what is already ours. Smile, take a deep breath, and let the immense awe and wonder of life bring a sigh of relaxation. The simple fact that I woke up this morning was a blessing. We take so much for granted. Actually, this is totally random, but here is my challenge for you today. "You" meaning anyone reading this. Take a scrap of paper and write down five things that you are thankful for. No, it's not Thanksgiving. I know we're past the "holiday season", but seriously think about it. Write down five things/people/places/etc. that you refuse to take for granted. Hopefully it might brighten your day a bit. :) Okay so I'm done being all philosophical and hippy-ish. Life is beautiful. That is all. Goodnight :)

Busy busy day!

This morning we woke up and went to church. It felt so good to be there, since I haven't gone in quite some time. I was lucky enough to see some people I haven't seen in a while, get some hugs from church friends, and hear that people had been praying for me. My name was even mentioned on the prayer list for people recovering from surgeries. It felt a bit strange sitting in the pews while pastor was praying for me, but I feel blessed to be a part of such a great church. I might even sing with the praise team once or twice before I move back to St. Louis. :) After church, we went to eat at El Torero. For those of you who aren't from the Jackson/Cape area, this is quite possibly the hottest joint in town, haha. Actually, it's just a mediocre Mexican restaurant with super yummy cheese sauce and the Heartland Special. I was excited to sit in a normal chair and eat at a normal restaurant. Good times! From there we went to Walmart to pick up a few things. Since "snowmageddon" is headed our way, we wanted to stock up on some items. I saw even more people I knew there. Of course, it's Jackson Walmart. By the end of our trip there, I was pretty tired. If I would have worn my pedometer, I'm sure I would have racked up some steps. My body ached a bit and I knew it was time to go home and rest for a little while. I just feel fortunate that I could get out of the house for a little while. :) We came back home, put on some comfy clothes, and lounged for a bit. I eventually fell asleep and took a nap. That felt pretty good. The rest of the night consisted of the usual...walking, trying to pet Macie without her knocking me over, building up my endurance of sitting in a chair, etc. For dinner we ordered from Pizza Pro. Yet another Jackson treasure, haha. It's funny how you realize all of the little things you miss when you've been away from home for so long. For example, the couch. It looks so inviting and I just want to lay down, snuggle up with a blanket, and watch some TV. My spine disagrees with that desire, so I guess I'll wait a while. :) Here are my scoliosis surgery tips o' the day:


When your nerves start to reconnect, expect to have really strange pains. For example, I have a place on my right hip that feels like it's getting punctured by a bunch of little needles when I use the restroom. It scares me because it honestly feels like I'm getting pricked by a nurse or something. I also am regaining feeling in the left side of my back, so I can feel muscles moving in places they've never been able to move before. Right now as I sit, I can feel one muscle rub itself against one of the titanium rods. Strange feeling, but actually kind of interesting. Today I've had neck pain, whereas it's usually been hip pain. I don't know if I'm starting to hold tension in my shoulders or what. Regardless, it still feels good to stretch my neck and make sure I'm not losing any flexibility. Right now, my neck is burning a bit so I guess I should head off to bed. January is almost over! Wow...the month has flown by. Goodnight! :)


I'll leave you with lyrics to my song of the day:


Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

Out and about

I woke up this morning and did a little walking. I'm trying to use my pedometer more so that I can see if I'm actually reaching my goal of 1 mile a day. For lunch I ate some grilled cheese and took some of my medications. I've been taking less of them as the weeks go by. I know there's always a chance of dependency, and I don't want to risk taking medicine when I really don't need it. Thankfully, the past few days have been better than last week. My hip pain today was actually bearable. Mom, Dad, and I got dressed and headed to Cape to run a few errands. First, we went to Target and saw some family friends while getting a chai latte. I sat down in an arm-less chair and got up with Dad's assistance. It was good to see someone I knew in public. It was quite strange being around so many people since I'm used to being in a house with no more than 5 people. I know it sounds crazy, but being in public can be pretty intimidating when nobody knows your situation and could bump into you at any moment. I had to constantly be on the lookout all around me so that I wouldn't either trip and fall or hit someone as I walk ever so slowly. Once again the looks on people's faces showed their confusion as to why it took me so long to get from one place to another. Regardless, it was good to feel normal again for a little bit. Getting some walking in while being somewhere other than the house was nice. A change of scenery is always good. We went to Cracker Barrel for dinner, and I lost my appetite for some reason. I was able to sit in a regular chair without arm rests. Yay for small victories, hehe. I ate some veggies, but couldn't stomach much more. My eating habits have been so strange lately. I feel sorry for my parents who have to keep up with me needing one thing one moment and another the next. I'm way more needy than I ever realized, haha. We came back to the house, and I've been working on applications online ever since (as usual). I'm going to go take a shower before heading to bed. I'm going to church for the first time since the surgery tomorrow, and I hope I can make it all of the way through. C'mon sleep and pain meds, don't fail me now. I'm excited to go since it's been too long. Anywho, I'm out of here. Good night!

Update post-shower: The five remaining steri strips are now gone from my incision. Now it's just time for the scar to heal. I'll take a picture for documentation. :)

Food for thought

I'll give a short update of my day, and conclude with lyrics to a song that has really been on my heart lately. As for today, I woke up around 9:30 (woohoo!) and did various things around the house. We fought off my nausea with some saltines and ginger ale yet again. Sometimes the meds don't like each other and decide they're going to make my stomach upset. Regardless, I was just happy to be out of bed before noon, considering that's what my body has gotten used to recently. No worries...I took a nap later on in the afternoon. :p Dad got Macie out and had her sitting on the couch calmly. Holding her very tight, he scratched her ears so I could pet her. I've missed simple things like petting my puppy. It was good to get some animal therapy. :) Shay was able to come over and visit for a little while. I'm so glad I got to see her! Of course she brought princess Autumn, who I was very sad that I couldn't get on the floor to play with. She is getting so big! I've missed Shay, so it did my heart good to see her. She's one of the reasons why I miss Jackson and enjoy being back in my hometown healing for a bit. Autumn was precious as always, blowing kisses and jabbering "Bobobobob". Her cat's name is Bob, by the way. :p Mom, Dad, and I ate chili for dinner, although I didn't have much of an appetite. That's been something that this surgery has altered, too. Sometimes I'm not hungry for foods I used to love, and other times all I crave is sweets. However, I refuse to get in that bad habit. After dinner was the usual walking routine, mixed with a bit of TV and relaxing. Thankfully, my hip hasn't given me a huge amount of trouble today. That is a huge blessing, considering that's where most of my pain comes from and drives me nuts. I've been trying to stretch more, which consists of raising my arms above my head and twisting my neck side to side, up and down. Dad is afraid I'm going to lose some of my flexibility since I'm so cautious and rarely go out of my comfort zone. I've been trying to bend more, staying within that 15 degrees that Bernie said. Bending only at your hips to wash your hands at the sink seems like a small task, but it takes some mental conditioning to not use ANY of your spine in the process. I do believe he has a point, so I've been trying to move as much as possible without hurting myself. It's funny, because sometimes the medicine will have me feeling so normal that I almost forget I can't plop down on the ground and play with my goddaughter. So much of this healing process is mental, and takes quite a bit of "mind over matter". Prayer has most definitely helped to keep me grounded, sane, and aware of the place from which my healing comes. If anyone of you is dealing with something that you'd like to talk about, or vent, or just want an ear to listen, please let me know. My goal for this blog was to let people know that regardless of our circumstances in life, we still have so much to be thankful for. When life makes us want to scream and run away, we should always put things in perspective and see the blessings we have. I'll leave you with the lyrics that have helped me so much lately.


When the world has fallen out from under me 
I'll be found in you, still standing.
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees, 
when time and space are through, 
I'll be found in you.
Theres distraction buzzing in my head 
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay.
I've heard rumours of true reality 
whispers of a well-lit way.

Too tired to update last night

Hola friends. So, last night I fell asleep before updating my blog. Oops. I'll give a quick recap of what went down. I woke up late (yet again) after being woken up at various times during the night to take medications. Amber had mentioned she wanted to visit, so she came over for lunch and shared some Wibs with us. Deeeelicious. We hung out for a while, chit chatted, and she showed me the amazing gift she made me. I was amazed. She created an entire scrapbook about our friendship. It is SO precious! I love it. I wish I could put pictures of it on here. I love that girl...she is so thoughtful and loving and always knows sweet little ways to make me smile. She went home and ran some errands for a bit. While she did that, I did some more of my oh so wonderful walking. On her way back, she picked up some food from Mario's for us for dinner. I love their pasta...so delicious! Their salad is fabulous too, since they have my favorite salad dressing. Anywho, we ate dinner and watched some of her wedding videos. Looking at Amber and Aaron, I can totally see the love that God has given them. They fit perfectly, compensate for one another, and make each other better people. I'm so blessed to have such a great married couple as a role model. She stayed for a while as we laughed about her reception and all of the funny things her guests said to her and Aaron that night. The video made me miss Sarah, though. :( Now that I don't have school to keep me constantly busy, I'm reminded of my best friend being all the way in Mississippi, and I wish I could see her more often. Regardless, the wedding was beautiful and I'm happy I was a part of it. Once she left, I did a little bit more walking, and then got ready for bed. Nothing more to say about the day, it was just generally a good one. :)

And I say "hey" what a wonderful kind of day

Ten cool points to anyone who can name the TV show where I got the lyric to title today's blog...Anywho today was pretty great. I woke up earlier than I have in a while (which felt pretty good). I had to get used to a different schedule for taking my medicines. Very long story short, Mom found out last night from a nurse that the lax time schedule we've been on since being released from the hospital could actually be causing me nervous system damage. I had no idea, but Mom got very little sleep last night because the nurse had her observing me at various intervals of the night, counting how many times I would inhale and exhale within a minute. If it got within a certain rage, I would have needed to be rushed to the ER. Moral of the story, make sure that if you're on as many medications as I am, that you take them consistently at the same times so as not to mix things that shouldn't mix.


Dad was nice enough to run to the store and post office to mail a few things for me while I ate lunch. I then spent almost two hours walking around my house. I've found that circling my family room while watching interesting TV helps me keep my mind off of how boring it is to walk in circles, haha. I got to pet Macie while laying in bed, which made me happy. I feel so bad that she has to be caged up while I'm walking around. I just don't want to take any chances of her knocking me over. I do miss snuggling with my baby. Before too long I'm sure I will be. :)


Perhaps two hours of walking was a bit much for my ever so lovely hips. I say that with the deepest amount of sarcasm possible. I rarely use the word "hate", but I HATE this hip/leg pain that I'm facing. I prepared myself for back pain, but my gosh when are my hips going to stop aching and sending shooting pains throughout my leg? Bah, I've complained about it enough. Anywho, I took a bit of a nap to relax and let my body chill.


Tonight was my first time going out to eat dinner since the surgery. Dad, Mom, and I hopped in the car and headed to Outback. Getting into the Denali was much easier than at Gretchen's house a few days back. It just goes to show that healing is a beautiful thing that sometimes comes about quicker than you'd think. Nathaniel met us there and we had a very nice meal. I'm pretty sure they don't want to take me in public anymore, haha. I had to get up every so often and walk because my hips were hurting so bad. Let me say this...I know what it's like to walk into a restaurant and have everyone stare at you because of a "disability". Please, please do not rudely stare or give looks of pity to people that you see in wheelchairs. I now understand and have empathy for people that spend every day in a wheelchair and it's no fun. People glare at you as if you are some sort of weakling. I'm not trying to get on a soapbox, but let me just say that it's so awkward when you feel the eyes of everyone around you staring at you, wondering what could possibly be wrong. I do appreciate those people who were kind and stepped aside to let me wheel on by. Don't get me wrong, I know people have truly good hearts and are trying to be kind and sympathize. I appreciate the efforts of people who are nice, but still allow you to retain some of your dignity. Once again, I digress.


After a delicious meal, Nathaniel followed us home for a little bit. He was nice enough to bring over a comfy chair that I might like to sit in. I appreciate his kindness and willingness to support me through my recovery. He also brought me an application for the school district down here in southeast Missouri where his mom teaches. I owe him big time for even thinking of me when it comes to that. I've learned through this process that there are some very, very good people out there. People with hearts of gold that are willing to go out of their way to show compassion and cheer you on you every second. To those of you who are reading this, I appreciate your encouragement, whether it be through silent thoughts or prayer. I'm honored to have the support system I have.


My night has ended with me completing two more job applications and calling it a day. I have to be up in about 20 minutes to take a pill anyway. Perhaps I should try to at least get a nap in before the alarm goes off. Sleep well, everyone. :)


But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Walk-a-rific day

Philippians 4: 11-13

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Today was yet another day where my middle-of-the-night shenanigans caused me to sleep until 12:30 PM. This whole "I don't sleep when normal people do" thing has to stop. For example, it's almost 1 AM and I'm choosing to update a blog. Regardless, here was how my day progressed.


I woke up to some delicious lunch brought home by my father. Wibs BBQ! Anyone reading this from Jackson understands my excitement. I had a combination sandwich while poor Macie sat in her cage next to me drooling. I made sure to save some bread and meat so she could have a snack. I haven't had Wibs since before new years, so it was a treat. Other stops on my list of Jackson eating establishments? Golden Gate, El Torero, etc. Basically, I ate a yummy lunch.


One of my great friends Amber called and said she was off work for the day. She wanted to know if I wanted any company. At the time she called I was not in the best of moods, so I told her I'd let her know. Before she could come over, I had to take a shower. Before I could take a shower, my dad had to install a new shower head downstairs. Before he could do that, he had to stop by Mom's friends house to grab a shower seat so I don't have to stand while showering. My dad drove all over the Cape and Jackson area just to help me take a shower. Heck of a guy, huh? My mom, on the other hand, was stuck here listening to me complain about my aches and pains. Both deserve a vacation to a far away place once I'm healed.


With my fancy new shower seat that I hadn't planned on using before the age of 80, I was able to sit down and release some of the stress on my back. Dad got a shower head that detaches so I can use it however I'd like, as opposed to one that sprays in the same direction the entire time. Long story short, I took a shower. Mom pulled off some more of my steri strips (tiny bandages that cover my incision). When I had gotten out, Mom helped me comb through my oh so tangly hair. I changed into some fresh new clothes and got ready for Amber.


She was nice enough to stop by Popeyes and bring over some dinner for us. We sat in the family room and ate those biscuits and chicken like there was no tomorrow. I don't remember ever eating their food before, and I was pleasantly surprised. After dinner, Mom made us some jello parfaits. Unfortunately, one fell over just in time for Macie (my chocolate lab) to eat it. Dad had her on a leash and I asked to get in bed with the rails up so I could pet her. Before he knew it and could restrain her, she jumped up on the foot of my bed. Thankfully, my knees were bent upwards and I was not hurt in any way. Scared a bit, yes. My big old humane society baby could do some serious damage if she were to be too close to me in my current condition.


Amber and I looked through some pictures, watched some TV, and she straightened my hair. It's so strange how little things can make you feel so much better. Amber is an amazing friend who definitely made my day. She is so uplifting and positive, while being hilarious all at the same time. She lifted my spirits so much that when she left, I did my usual walk around the house routine for an hour listening to Nsync and Michael Jackson. Perhaps that's why my hips are so sore right now...


It's time I get to bed. I'm getting nauseous and want to fall asleep before it hits me too hard. Sleep well everyone. :)


PS - It's been three weeks since my surgery. Woohoo! Feels like forever, but I know time will pass and I will look back on this experience fondly. I may be a wee bit excited about getting to that point. :p

Just another day in J-Town

After a night of strange dreams and occasional wake ups, I finally got up around noon. I hate it when I sleep later than I had planned. I feel like I've wasted the day. Regardless, I woke up and walked around a bit. Then I ate lunch that Dad was nice enough to go get for us. Today was pretty uneventful. At any point in time I was either walking, taking a TV break, eating a bite, or laying down to rest. The biggest portion of my day was spent working on applications. Although the process may be monotonous and repetitive, it keeps my mind busy thinking about something other than my back. Hopefully I can kick out some more applications and feel satisfied with my productivity this week. Tomorrow will be the three-week mark after my surgery. I'll take a picture to compare it with the past two. Additionally, my birthday is a week from tomorrow. Celebrations for that will probably end up being a meal of my choice and (bet you couldn't guess) some walking and resting. I applaud anyone who has gone through a surgery that takes a long time to heal from, because it is not the most interesting thing in the world. I never thought I'd get stir crazy, but I think it's coming. I just want to go eat at El Torero or something. Go somewhere in public and feel somewhat normal for a bit. However, I'm not quite sure I can make the excursion. I've been having quite a bit of nausea lately and I'm not sure why. It's more annoying than painful, but it puts me in a bad mood. That probably explains my current melancholy mood. I'm not necessarily upset or sad, I'm just ready for a change. Who knows what the coming weeks will bring. I'm excited for some more independence. Not that I don't appreciate every single bit of what my parents are doing to help me. I guess I just want to lighten their load and see what I'm capable of after being "basically cut in half" in the words of Nathaniel. I can't begin to imagine what life is like for people whose healing process is more intense and lasts longer than mine. I give you all gold stars for sure. I can at least get satisfaction in knowing that my pain is temporary. As for any interesting new information from today, I suggest scoliosis surgery patients to get a pedometer. They definitely help you track your walking progress since walking is the best therapy you can do. Also, don't forget to stretch the parts of your body that you may forget about. For example, stretch your neck up and down. It might pull or push your back muscles in an uncomfortable way, but it's good to maintain flexibility. On that note, raise your arms above your head. It will pull on your lower back (at least it does on mine), but it makes you feel better. Additionally, you may wake up in the middle of the night with your heels aching. Whenever I sleep on my back, I usually have a point in the middle of the night where my heels hurt. They burn pretty bad and feel very bruised. It takes me getting out of bed and walking around a little bit before the sensation goes away. Oh, and be sure to have lots of blankets. Bernie said it's normal for patients to get cold easier after surgery. Tonight I've been very cold, and even a huge blanket doesn't help much. I just hope I can fall asleep and wake up at a reasonable time tomorrow. I apologize that tonight's blog was pretty uninteresting. Some days just don't have a lot of action, and that is to be expected. I guess I'm settling in and taking it all one day at a time. Thank you to those of you who are following me as I go through this process. I appreciate your support and encouragement. :) Goodnight.

Rough beginning but a great finale

So I promised those reading this blog that I would be totally honest with my feelings/emotions/problems/successes throughout the healing process. Let me start by saying this. This morning was the roughest I've had physically. Other days have stunk emotionally, but today was by far the worst body-wise. First of all, the bed that I suggested we order for me to sleep in back home in Jackson was a foam bed. After surgery, the doctor said I could sleep in any bed where I felt comfortable. Well...scratch foam beds off the list. If anyone reading this is about to have spine surgery, I discourage you from getting a foam hospital bed. Maybe other people have had more positive experiences, but here was mine.

I woke up incredibly stiff. By stiff, I mean I felt like my body was an immovable brick that ached horribly. For those of you who haven't seen my usual routine (which is probably most of you), getting out of bed first requires me rolling over on my side (logrolling as the doctor calls it). I then have someone stand at my feet and help guide my legs to the ground as I push up on one side of my body, trying the entire time to keep my spine completely straight. The name of the game post-scoliosis surgery is keeping your spine completely in line at all times. No twisting, turning, or rotating. I'm only allowed to bend forward at my hips about 15 degrees. Most of the time I can't make it that far without my back starting to spasm. Anywho, I digress. It took someone helping me to roll over since I was basically sunken into the foam mattress. Then, rolling on my side required even more assistance. After I pushed myself upright, I was stuck. I normally have to use my arms and upper body strength to push myself toward the edge of the bed so that I can stand up. On a foam mattress, my hands simply sunk deeper down and couldn't help me move at all. Long story short I eventually got out of the bed and almost could not walk because of the pain.

Since it was a Sunday (technically I'm writing this early Monday morning), we were afraid that the company who brought the bed couldn't bring a different mattress. Dad was nice enough to go downstairs and fashion a board that could make the foam a bit stiffer in case I couldn't get a new mattress. He and his engineering mind never cease to amaze me. Thankfully Mom worked very hard to get a guy to come out and swap the mattress for an inner-spring one like I had at Gretchen's. That was a HUGE blessing, and I am sooo glad he agreed to help us out on a weekend. Problem one solved.

For some reason, probably because of the stress on my body from worrying about the mattress (plus all of the physical work my body went through yesterday), I got incredibly nauseous. Even my nausea medication didn't help. I won't go into details, but let me tell you getting sick to your stomach after spine surgery does not feel very good. I'm so scared that I'll pull a muscle or move the titanium rods or push something the wrong way. Thankfully, Mom had me eat some saltine crackers and drink some ginger ale. That problem slowly went away.

I began getting lightheaded from all of the pain. It's strange...I've had way more hip pain than back pain since the surgery. However, today I most definitely had back pain. Plus I had cramps in my stomach that made me want to double over. I tried walking it off but I couldn't make it down the hallway without Mom standing behind me with a "barf bucket" and Dad holding my hands guiding me while keeping me from falling. They were able to get me into bed safely and securely, wrapped up in covers and aligned straight. I eventually was able to fall asleep.

Five hours later, I wake up to it getting dark outside. I guess my body needed more rest than I realized. I got up and was feeling 100 times better than before. While Mom reheated some food that Dad was nice enough to go get, I walked around the house a few times. I was able to sit in one of the new chairs Dad got when remodeling the family room and eat some dinner. Dad and I watched Bounty Hunter and I decided to just take some time to relax and watch a movie. After that was over, we watched The Dark Knight as I made my rounds around the house. As repetitive as it is, I know that walking will help me get better. I won't heal unless I walk like my doctor told me to do for therapy. Later on Mom and I watched Cupcake Wars and I walked during commercial breaks. I better get some serious leg muscles by the end of this healing process. :p

I'll end tonight's post with a few thoughts. First of all, I am amazed at the power of mental control. Believe me, I know that my medicines are doing a great job of helping me through this healing process, but I'm also getting a lot better at "mind over matter". I have to tell myself that the pain is part of who I am right now. I'm not supposed to feel rosy all of the time, so I have to take the pain and accept it. Relaxing tensed muscles is another trick while breathing deeply. Half of the time I cause my own pain because I freak out and tense up and get worked up over little things. Even if you haven't just had surgery, take some time to breathe, relax, and see how blessed you really are. Life could be so much worse. Did this morning upset me? Yes. Will I have more days like this? Probably. However, I know that my quality of life will be improved long-term because of this surgery. Many of my friends and family have to keep reminding me of that. :p Now I need to get to bed because tomorrow is a big day. I get to see Macie! She is my chocolate lab mix that I love and miss sooo much! I haven't seen her since before my surgery, so I am excited to see her. I probably won't be able to be near her for a while since she is kind of a spaz and would probably jump up and hurt me, but I'll be happy to be in the same house as my baby. There's always something, however small, to look forward to. Goodnight :)

Final day in STL

Today was a pretty jam-packed day. Dad woke me up after the alarm went off so I could get ready for the recruitment fair. Of course it was a family affair trying to make sure I didn't break anything while trying to make myself look presentable. Two and a half weeks after surgery can make a girl look pretty rough, so I tried to hide it as best as I could. :) The kids were already up and zooming around, making waffles and talking about sports. Mom helped me get my clothes together and then Dad drove me to the event. He was nice enough to wheel me around and wait for me until I was done. Thankfully the whole time I was there I felt very little pain. That was great! The process of getting in and out of the car is getting easier each time, which is definitely a blessing. Now, it's still not a breeze, but we're starting to get it down to an art.

When I got back home, Mark was getting the kids ready to go sledding on the hill across the street. Mom and Gretchen were curious to see how everything went, and I was feeling good enough to discuss it for a bit. Mom was tired (probably from babysitting me 24/7) so she went to take a nap. Gretchen brought home some yummy food for lunch, and then Elly wanted to watch baby videos of herself. We watched them in the room where my bed was, so I got so comfy that I fell asleep. I accidentally took a ridiculously long nap (which is why I am wide awake at 2:04 AM) and woke up a little bit before dinner time.

Lynne stopped by for a bit as Dad brought home food from Lester's. We had one last dinner together as a family, sans Ryan :(, and then started to watch Toy Story 3. Mom and Dad got everything packed up and loaded up the car. Since it's supposed to snow quite a bit tomorrow (today technically) in southeast MO, we wanted to head home before any bad weather hit. I said bye to Lynne, who has been a pretty huge help throughout this process, and started the goodbyes with my fam. Elly and Wilson gave me some awesome hugs and told me they loved me. Seriously, those kids couldn't get any cuter or be any more awesome-tastic. I'm going to miss them (and my sister and brother in law) sooo much.

Mom and Dad helped me step up into the Denali and get myself situated for the ride home. By that time, I just wanted to get the ride over with and be home where I could lay down. I had heard that the ride home after surgery is the worst, so I wasn't super excited. Thankfully, it wasn't too bad. We stopped in Herculaneum to get something for me to eat while I took my medicine and then in Ste. Gen so I could get out and walk around a bit. The whole way home I was reclined in the seat with pillows on each side of me, as well as on my lap. I tried relaxing, breathing deep, and praying for strength until we pulled up in our driveway. We came inside, got a few things rearranged, and I've been watching a bit of TV before bedtime. I should probably hit the sack considering I need to be getting on a better sleeping schedule. Goodnight (or good morning) everyone! :)

Snow Day #2

Maybe every day of this recovery won't be all unicorns and rainbows. I learned today that I must accept my current state as part of who I am, and deal with it accordingly. Today was not a fabulous day in the sense that I was very down in the dumps for a good part of it. I've heard from people who have had the same surgery before me that depression can set in after a while. I'm doing my best to fight it and be strong, smiling through the pain. For some reason, that was hard for me today. I want this blog to be an honest representation of who I am and how I progress through the healing process. With the good must come bad, so here we go.

I woke up with an upset stomach, but I was fortunate enough to receive some anti-nausea medicine from the hospital. I fought that off, but then my hips began to hurt. As I've said before, so much of my pain post-op has been in my hips. I feel this huge weight on them, pressing down and making my nerves go crazy. It often spreads down my legs and makes it almost impossible to sit or stand for very long. Let's just say today was full of me laying down and trying to relax. If any of you know me very well, you know that sitting still and relaxing for an extended period of time is not my cup of tea. I feel like I waste a day if I take naps or whatnot. Well, today was full of naps. I tried walking around the house, and could do it for a short time, but then my hips would disagree with me and I would have to go back to bed for a bit. Once I fell asleep, and woke up to Lynne and Leila at Gretchen's house.

Lynne has been one of the most supportive and encouraging friends I've ever had through this process, and I owe her big time for the compassion she has shown me. Unfortunately today I was not the best friend to her. Every so often I would get very very hot, and my nerves would freak out. I can't describe the feeling any better than a million fiery red dots all over my skin, itching and burning. Mom and Lynne said there's nothing visible on my skin, but it's just my nerves reacting to either stress or the healing process. Basically, I feel like I'm being pinched all over my back by fireplace pokers. Anywho, after some fanning and a cold drink of water, they go away. Mom called my nurse and she said that's normal, and I just need to relax. Seems like I have an issue with that concept, huh? :)

Lynne was nice enough to stay and let the kids play with Leila (her precious puppy) while she helped Mom babysit me. Seriously...my mother deserves an award for all of the stuff she's put up with when it comes to me. I would be completely lost and clueless had it not been for my amazing parents throughout this process. Dad came up tonight and brought Outback for dinner. I didn't have much of an appetite for some reason, so I ate a little bit and then laid down. When the Clardy's came back from their family dinner, we baked some cookies and had fun just laughing and hanging out. It's funny how your pain seems to go away when you're with people you really love and care about. Or, maybe that was just the medicine I took...Hehe I'm just kidding. I was able to go upstairs (with the help of Dad) and take a shower. I know I definitely took for granted all of the little things I was able to do without anyone's help. After I heal up completely, I am definitely going to thank my lucky stars that I have the abilities I do. We are all so blessed, and need to be thankful every single day.

After my shower, the kids hugged me and said goodnight. I got in bed and began to put the finishing touches on my preparation for tomorrow's interview. At this very moment I have minimal pain, a warm blanket on me, and a few butterflies in my stomach. I suppose that is to be expected. :) I will update tomorrow hopefully with a positive feeling about how the recruitment fair went. I hope my wheelchair doesn't scare them away. :p I can't even begin to imagine how different my life will be as the months pass and I continue to heal. One day at a time... :)

Snow Day #1

After receiving 6 inches of snow, area schools decided to close today. This, of course, resulted in Mom having to babysit 3 kids today. I felt so bad for not being able to help at all...She worked herself silly all day while I just slept. I know I have to let myself relax and heal, but the thought of shirking all of the babysitting responsiblities made me sad. Regardless, the kids enjoyed being off from school. They played together fairly well, aside from a few spats here and there. They made snow castles out on the deck and craved sledding. That unfortunately couldn't occur until either Mark or Gretchen got home. Elly and Wilson are so good about me staying here. They are very careful when walking by me, always offering to pick something up if I drop it, and hugging me (very softly) whenever I need it. I'm going to miss the Clardys when I move back to Jackson. I doubt they will miss housing an invalid, haha.

As for pain, today was somewhat strange. First, I'll address the minor issues. At one point I could actually feel the rods in my back, and it totally weirded me out. I also occasionally have these "hot spots" where my nerves feel like they're on fire. Today was odd because even with the freezing temperatures, I was constantly hot. Additionally, the bottoms of my feet and my knees hurt from walking so much. My only physical therapy is walking (a lot) every day, and I never thought about the effect barefoot walking on hardwoods and tile would have on my feet. Every so often I have a jolt of pain run from my lower back all the way down my leg. Gretchen thinks it's my nerves reconnecting themselves after being severed during the surgery. Concerning major pain, my hips are always hurting. Gretchen researched it, and supposedly that's a common issue with spinal fusion patients. 90% of my pain is usually in my hips. My lower back is the other source of pain, considering I had a lumber fusion. Some parts of the day I can't seem to be comfortable. I try walking and it hurts, so I try sitting down. I can't sit down for very long before my hips can't handle it. Then I try laying in bed and either my tailbone or my lower back ache. I wish my body would make up its mind. :) I just keep telling myself that eventually this will be a thing of the past, and as annoying as it is now, I will emerge from it sooner or later.

I got to talk to my dad on the phone today, since he is down in Jackson. He let me say hi to Macie since I miss her so much. She's glad to be home and out of the kennel for a while. I'm excited for Dad to come back up tomorrow and help me calm my nerves for the interview on Saturday. Speaking of which, I don't know if I mentioned before that I have an interview with the a school district at 10 AM on Saturday. Dad's going to wheel me in, so that should make an interesting first impression, hehe. I spoke with my niece's principal, and she said they could do my interview on the ground level instead of downstairs where they're usually held. Hopefully the pain will stay away long enough for me to articulate my thoughts and make a positive impression. I'll be sure to let everyone know how it went on Saturday. Tomorrow is my preparation day to think of possible questions and get myself more at ease before the big day. Two weeks and four days post-operation I agreed to an interview...I'm not sure if that's me being ambitious or insane. I guess we'll see!

For those of you who are reading this that would care to, please keep my friend's grandfather in your prayers. His health has suddenly worsened and they don't believe there's much time left. Please pray for healing for him and peace for his family. I've learned through this situation that He is the great physician and does heal where it is his will. Maybe through my healing process someone else can find support. If you are reading this and are going to have spinal fusion surgery, please feel free to email me. I would love to answer any questions and ease any anxieties you might have. My email is kelleykasten@hotmail.com if anyone wants to shoot me a message. Anywho, I'm off to bed. School was called off again for tomorrow, so I'm going to try and rest up to actually help Mom tomorrow. Goodnight! :)

I should be in bed

Today has been a pretty good day despite the horrible night's sleep I got. I walked quite a bit after Dad calibrated my pedometer. I allowed myself for the first time to actually lay down and watch a television show to relax. It's amazing how I'm supposed to calmly allow my body to heal, but I never want to just veg out. Although I do admit laying down on the bed with a warm blanket takes quite the load off of my back.

Dad was nice enough to run to some stores and pick up various things Mom and I needed. After he came back, he headed down to Jackson. He picked up Macie from the vet and took her back to our house for a few days. She was supposedly very happy to see him.

When the kids came home from school, Elly got ready to go to the high school art show. She was one of ten first graders to get picked for their art to be displayed. She's such a good girl in so many ways. I love my niece and nephew to the moon and back. I just wish I could play with them more, but my back has decided otherwise.

Mom made some delicious potato soup for dinner, and I ate way too much. After not eating for a few days with the surgery, I guess my stomach has shrunk to the point of getting uncomfortable if I eat large amounts. Should I count that as a blessing? I did eat some oreo cake, though. Yummy!

Gretchen and Mom helped me sit down on the living room couch for the first time. Woohoo! It's crazy how I took for granted little things like sitting on a couch or picking something up off of a table. I definitely have more empathy for people with certain disabilities. Let me tell you, it's not all balloons and get-well cards. Sometimes you feel trapped in a body that doesn't allow you to do what you want. I just keep telling myself that it could be worse. I could've been paralyzed during the surgery. Even though walking repetitively around the house all day gets monotonous, at least I can walk.

Tonight I've spent most of my time filling out applications to school districts. I am bound and determined to get a job by August. Although the surgery has set me back, I'm doing everything in my power to make sure it doesn't keep me from getting hired. As some very wise people around me have said, I need to concentrate first on healing and the rest will fall into place. On that note, I am going to bed. Goodnight! :)

First Follow-Up Appointment

I woke up this morning pretty excited about going to my doctor's office for a check up. I got dressed, successfully got in the car (which is a big accomplishment now), and headed to the Center for Advanced Medicine. Dad dropped us off right in front of the building, and we went straight up to the usual floor. I told mom that today was the first day I've ever walked into Dr. Bridwell's office unafraid. For ten years I've had appointments, scared that he was going to talk about having surgery. Guess what? I faced that hurdle and it's over. The receptionist sent me straight to radiology where I changed into a gown for x-rays. This time they put me in a stand-up machine that seemed like an upright tanning bed or some sort of teleportation device. I had to hold on to this bar about eye-level as the machine circled my body and took an x-ray. After that was over, I went to Bridwell's waiting room. When I got there, I saw a girl that goes to Webster. She was visiting the office for the first time, and I got to talk to her about how great of physicians there are at CFAM. She seemed more at ease, and I felt happy that I could calm someone's nerves.

Bernie came out and took us back to her office. She put up the films of my new spine, and let's just say I wasn't too happy. In my eyes, it seemed like there was very little curvature correction. Mom and Dad beg to differ. She asked if we had any questions, and we talked for a bit about what to do now. They lowered my dosage of medications (only one oxycontin a day now) and said I could shower now. When she mentioned a shower I think I almost hugged her. We talked with Bernie for a little bit more, then headed home. On the ride home, I started having horrible pain. It started in my lower back, moved to my hip, and shot all the way down my right leg. It got to the point where I could barely move anything. Dad got me out of the car and eventually in bed. The pain was the worst I've had since surgery. Mom calmed me down and I finally fell asleep. Once the kids got home, I got up and was feeling much better. We had a delicious dinner of chili and tamales. Afterward, Dad wheeled my chair into the family room and we watched some home videos. Elly and Wilson were sooooo cute when they were little. Not much has changed. :)

I decided it was finally time to take a shower, so Dad helped me up the stairs. Can you believe it? I climbed a flight of stairs exactly two weeks post operation. I took the shower (with much apprehension) and felt so great afterwards. I was so scared about what my incision would feel like with water hitting it, or if I would slip on the floor of the shower. I came out unscathed and with clean hair. :) Mom pulled a few of my steri strips off since Bernie said they need to come off when they're loose. Steri strips are these little bandages that are completely covering my incision. There were probably 25 or so to start off with. It feels so weird now to have my tshirts touching parts of my incision. Before long the entire scar will be uncovered!

As for now, I'm going to head to bed. My disappointment with the curvature correction has waned. At first, I was very upset because the reason I had this surgery was to get a straighter spine so that later in life it won't cause my ribs to compact on my internal organs. Today I thought, what's the point if my spine is still pretty crooked? I was waiting for a moment of relief that my spine is finally straight, and I didn't get that. However, I'm coming to terms with the fact that my doctor knew exactly what was best for me and he did it. I am fixed as much as I should be fixed, and that is all. Through this process I'm learning patience and acceptance. Some things we can't control or change, and that's okay. <3

Need to breathe

This morning I woke up, ate half a bagel, and took some medications. I walked a few laps around the house and started feeling some pain in my hip/leg. This strange pain has been pretty much consistent the past couple of days. It starts in my lower back and goes down through my hip and into my leg. After some research, it seems as if I'm having troubles with my sciatic nerve. Let's hope it will go away soon. Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment, so maybe they can offer me some help. I think I'm getting x-rays, too. I hope I'm taller. ;)


Mark and the kids were in Jeff City until 3, so I napped, walked, and chatted with my parents until they got back. Lynne came over for a little bit, of course toting her signature Milagro soup in hand. :) She helped me calm down about the whole job situation. Basically, I'm freaking out that I haven't sent out enough applications. This surgery has set me back so far in terms of the job search, and I hate being behind. I'm not the type of person that waits until the last minute, and I feel like this operation is making me do that. Every time I sit down to work on an application, I either get tired from my medications or I don't have enough stamina to sit in a chair without pain. I just feel like everyone else is leaps and bounds ahead of me because they can take any steps necessary to get their foot in the door. I can't substitute teach until I heal up. Which means I can't get my face out there and in other schools for at least another month and a half. I just need to pray for patience. Everything will work out as it's supposed to, even if it's not like I would plan myself. God has a life set for me that will unfold in his time, not mine. Any additional prayers from someone reading this would be appreciated. I know I'm not going to nail the best job in the best district right off the bat, I just want to make some sort of income so that I can start paying my parents back for all they have provided for me over the years. The whole surgery thing kind of puts all of my plans to a halt, so I need to lay it at the feet of someone who is way more capable of handling it than I am.


I try to update people on tiny pieces of information that might help someone who is going to have this surgery in the future. Here are my thoughts for today. Some people like sleeping on their side post-op. However, when I do this, it seems to be more trouble than anything. I have to roll on my side while my mom shoves a bunch of pillows behind my back to wedge me sideways. I can sleep for a little bit, but then I wake up because either my arm has fallen asleep, my hip is throbbing with pain, or my shoulder is aching hardcore. Sleeping on my back seems to be the best. Regardless, I wake up at some point during the night and have to get up and walk around. I generally take whatever pain pill is due, then try and fall back asleep in a different position. I also feel more comfortable when I'm laying on my back to pull my knees up. For example, I'm laying flat on the bed, but my knees are bent, making an "A" shape above the bed. I feel like it relieves some pressure on my back. Maybe it's all in my head. Regardless, I think everyone has to find what is comfortable for them when it comes to sleeping positions.


I hope this blog has brought some sort of comfort or information to people who need it. I may ramble a bit, but I hope it gives you a picture of what the recovery process entails. Pain, anger, sadness, anxiety, success, and relief are all a part of this crazy adventure. Be prepared to experience all kinds of different emotions and physical feelings. I know I'm not going through this alone, and this verse proves it to me:


The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake. Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me 
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows. 
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Winter Warm Up

For Christmas, Gretchen bought my dad and I tickets to the Cardinals Care Winter Warm Up. Dad went for a little bit yesterday, so I went with him today. I thought I'd try and venture out into the world outside of the Clardy household. Let's just say it may or may not have been the best idea.

We woke up, got dressed, and Dad started up the car. Today was the first day I wore jeans since the surgery! The car ride from Barnes to Gretchen's was horrendous, so I figured this one would be almost as bad. I was correct. It was a bit easier to get into the car, but the ride was just as bumpy and painful. We finally arrived at the Hyatt downtown and Dad got me out of the car, in my wheelchair, and inside the building. He went to park the car and then came back to take me up to the fourth floor. We got off the elevator, walked (or wheeled lol) down the hall to the big ballroom where players were signing autographs. Since Dad missed Fernando Vina's autograph yesterday, they gave us a ticket for Steve Kline. I used to love him and his dirty baseball cap when I met him years ago. Today they let me go right up to the front of the line since I was in a wheelchair. He came up and said "Hey there beautiful." *blush* Haha it was perhaps the highlight of my day. While signing my baseball, he asked me what was wrong. I told him about the surgery and he told me to take care of myself. He asked me how long it would be before I'm back to normal, and I said about a year. He goes "Oh come on, don't milk it that long." I assured him I wasn't lying, and he encouraged me to stay strong and get healthy. I told him I used to be a catcher in softball and he said "Us baseball players gotta be tough, rest up, and heal fast." He was so nice!

At 9, we started to get in line for Skip Schumaker. The lady was nice enough to let us go to the front of the line again. After a few minutes, Skip came out. He sat down at the signing table and Dad handed him the ball. Dad asked him to sign it on the sweet spot, and he did. For a minute I thought he wasn't going to come down and say hi to me. Thankfully, he stepped down off the platform and took a picture with me. :) It was so great! Let's just say he is a beautiful man. That is all.

Unfortunately, as time wore on at the Warm Up, my back really started hurting. The wheelchair was uncomfortable and I couldn't get situated correctly. A few times we had to stop, lock the wheels, and ask someone to help lift me out of my chair. Here's where the cool Jesus part comes in. One guy who helped me up had a pregnant wife. She asked why I was in a wheelchair, I told her, and she said "No way, I need spine surgery." Basically she has a lot of disc problems in her spine, and has been looking for a really good doctor that specializes in spines. We told her about Bridwell, shared some information about his specialties, and she seemed super excited to finally hear of a reputable doctor. I know we were meant to meet this lady, since I might have just given her the name of a doctor that can actually help her improve her quality of life. So cool!

Dad and I grabbed some burgers at the hotel before checking out the shopping area. There were so many vendors with more Cardinals memorabilia than you could ever think of. Dad was nice enough to buy me a Schumaker shirt. We perused a bit more, then decided to head home. I waited in the hotel gift shop while he pulled the car around. In the freezing cold, he helped me back into the car slowly and carefully. He is the best father in the world and deserves a gold star. If you disagree, I might fight you. :p He drove me back to Gretchen's house, where I got into some more comfortable clothes and hit the sack. I took a very long nap afterwards, which felt so great.

The rest of my day pretty much consisted of walking around the house, sitting momentarily, and sleeping. My sleep schedule has been so off since the surgery. As you can probably tell by me writing this at 1:32 AM. When my body screams for sleep, I give in, and then my naps turn into half-night sleeps and I'm all screwed up. Soon enough after I'm healed I'm sure it will all get back on a regular schedule.

As for what has been causing me the most pain recently, it's definitely been my right hip. It aches constantly, spasms, and today it started shooting pains down the nerves in my legs. I'm not quite sure how I caused that, but hopefully my doctor's appointment on Tuesday can help me figure it out. At this very moment I'm not in a whole lot of pain. I'm stiff and tense, but thats 24/7 anyway. I'm slowly trying to regain some independence. For example, I can walk laps around the house (my only exercise I'm allowed to do) by myself now. I can lift my walker over little bumps on my own and turn corners somewhat easily. I've been trying to walk small distances without a walker, but that usually ends in me losing my balance and almost falling. Note to self: Don't be an idiot. I will heal in due time. I'll end with a verse that not only gives me comfort, but I'm sure it will apply to anyone reading this.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Corinthians 4:17)

Pretty schweet day if I do say so myself

Hey there. Sorry I didn't post last night...I pretty much slept all day so it wasn't worth talking about anyway. As for today, here's what went down.

I woke up with some pretty crazy pain on my right side. I decided to have mom help me turn on my left side, which is an undertaking in and of itself. Basically I have to be shifted using a sheet underneath me that's pulled to one side or the other. Then I logroll my spine so that it's in perfect alignment as I turn to one side. Tons of pillows have to be stuffed behind my back so that I don't accidentally roll and twist my spine in the middle of the night. Before surgery I loved sleeping on my sides...now I hate it lol. Anywho, I eventually got up and got dressed. Today was my first day of wearing real, normal clothes! Instead of the usual sweatpants and sweatshirt, I decided to actually look somewhat presentable. Around 11 o'clock a friend arrived to spend the day with me. I got to show him around Gretchen's house, well, hobble around her house. We ate some super yummy fortels pizza for lunch. Mmmm buffalo chicken. I'm glad I finally got my appetite back. Just hung out, played with the kiddos, and chilled for a bit. I even got to sit on a couch! That is, with a LOT of help from others. We'll see how long it takes before I can do it on my own.

Sarah got to come over and see me one last time before she moves back to Oxford. I'm going to miss her <3 It was great seeing her and spending time with my bestie since 4th grade. Lynne came over too! She brought Leila and we all had a great time. Lynne always has a way to make me smile and forget about pain. Long story short, I had an amazing day with some pretty incredible people. I even got to walk into the living room! Doesn't sound like a big deal, but it felt soooo good to walk around on that squishy carpet. The friends stayed for a while then headed home.

I accidentally fell asleep while trying to rest my back. Woke up and ate some dinner. Chilled in the family room with everyone while I tried out the new wheelchair. Tomorrow I'm going to see Skip at the Cardinals Winter Warm Up/ Speaking of which, I better get some rest. I shall update more tomorrow. :)

As for little tidbits of information for those of you about to undergo the surgery, here are my daily tips:
You will have pain in your hips. Pressure weighs down on them and sometimes your hips will hurt worse than your spine or incision.
There will be numbness around the incision, and even further below. It's normal, but let me tell you it feels strange. It's somewhat freaky when your nerves in the lower half of your body are going crazy.
Washing your hair is not allowed for 2 weeks post op. This basically means that you are going to feel gross and icky, but don't worry. You're not the first, and no one else cares but yourself.
Sometimes you can actually feel the hardware placed in your back. Last night I was walking around and could feel the rods shift occasionally as I moved. You'll get used to it.
Once the incision starts to heal, it starts itching. Note to self: don't scratch it. :)

Anywho goodnight! Sleep well!

Terrific Thursday

So I actually slept all through the night last night while laying on my back. Good thing because I needed rest? Yes. Bad thing because I woke up incredibly stiff? Yes. Basically, I'm supposed to change my sleeping position throughout the night to make sure my spine doesn't lock up. However, I've found that sleeping on either side is ridiculously uncomfortable. Which is weird, because pre-op I always slept on my side. I guess I'm just scared that my spine will twist or turn while I'm on my side. I tend to always think of the worst possible thing that could happen, though. For example, I could lay on my side too long with a twisted spine and turn into a human twizzler as my spine solidifies. My pessimism gets the best of me at times. However, I'm slowly thinking more clearly with a level head about the situation. I know I get that strength from Him who promised to never leave me. :)

Today I woke up, said bye to the kiddos as they went to school, ate a bagel, then laid back down for a bit. Ended up falling asleep...That tends to happen quite often lol. Ate some lunch while sitting in the chair and talking to dad. Made a stupid mistake and got up out of the chair incorrectly. For those of you reading this who are having the surgery in the future, you must use only your legs and arms to stand up from a seated position. The doctors call it "exploding with your legs" so that you don't arch your back, pull up with the wrong muscles, or jerk your back into a spasm. Well, I unfortunately didn't push with my legs enough and it felt like some muscle separated from the hardware in my back. I tried walking it off, hobbling around a bit, but it didn't help much. So what did I do? I took some more meds and fell asleep lol.

When the kiddos came home we ate some Bandana's for dinner. Yum! I'm finally getting an appetite back, so food makes me happy now lol. Afterwards I tried walking some more and checking my email to see if there are any updates on my job search process. As I am typing this, I'm thinking that it would be good to make a list of random things that people may not think about when preparing for scoliosis surgery. If this operation is not in your future, you may cease reading at this point if you so desire hehe.

1. You may not remember very much of your hospital stay. Be prepared to be swollen, achy, sore, and generally uncomfortable for the first few days. Family and friends may come to visit, but you may not be in the best state of mind to converse with them. They don't mind if you randomly fall asleep and forget you came. :)
2. This one is for the girls who are about to undergo surgery. Forewarning for any males who are about to read this...haha. The stress of the surgery may cause you to start menstruating. Even if you just stopped, aren't scheduled to have one for a few weeks, or even are past menopause, the trauma of the surgery causes your body to start this process for some reason. It was completely random and I was totally caught off guard. Thought I would warn you just in case. :)
3. Make sure you have the right char to sit in when you get back home. It is SO uncomfortable to sit in almost any chair. Everyone's preferences are different, but make sure you have some place to sit that you can endure being there for longer than five minutes.
4. If you are incredibly modest (like I was before surgery), you will lose that. You have no choice but to be completely at the mercy of the hospital staff. Don't worry, they are so considerate and calming and know just what to say to make you feel comfortable. However, it is still ridiculously embarrassing/unnerving when you have no control over who sees what. Just breathe, relax, and understand that if I can get over it, you can too. :)
5. Be patient with your body. You are not going to be the same after surgery, so don't expect to return to life as expected. You will hurt, you will get sad, tasks are more difficult, you lose some independence. But guess what? It's only temporary. You will get better, you will heal, and you will have a better quality of life once this has all passed. I know I was meant to have this surgery for a reason, and I hope the pain brings me closer to the strength I have in Christ. It's humbling to see how frail we really are, and how endless and infinite and wonderfully patient our God is to carry us through life's "ugh" moments.

I suppose that's all of the tips I am going to share tonight. I'm going to go brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Sleep well everyone! :)

Pretty good day

Hello there. I am writing to you while laying in bed with my laptop propped up on a contraption mom thought up and dad constructed. It's basically an altered tray table that is tilted at the perfect angle for me to use my laptop in bed. My parents are pretty sharp folks if I do say so myself. :p

So, here's my update on what happened at the hospital. I woke up Tuesday morning, got dressed, and headed to the hospital. We parked in the south parking lot, grabbed the bare essentials, and headed to Barnes. When we got there, we went up an escalator and walked through a tunnel with bright white lights twinkling like stars above us. Pretty cool. We walked in, waited in line for the doors to open at 5:30, and then got into the waiting room. Gretchen was on her way, so Dad went out to wait for her while Mom and I got a buzzer and family nametags. We grabbed a seat and waited for Gretch. Eventually they called my number, Dad and I walked back to fill out some final paper work, and they told me to go sit back down and wait. During this time I taught Mom how to use my phone to update my facebook status. I was called up again to get a wristband and a folder to hand to whoever took me upstairs. They called us and we rode in the elevator up to the pre-op rooms. I got into my gown, pants, and hat as nurses got things ready. Laying down on a bed, I waited until it was time to take me back. Gretch, Mom, Dad, and I tried to make light of the situation until the ball got rolling. A really nice anesthesiologist came to talk with me about what would be going on. They hooked me up to a few liquids, asked if I had any questions, and put in the sedation medicine. The last thing I remember is Gretchen saying bye to me as the wheeled me away.

Basically most of the hospital stay was a blur to me. I remember sleeping constantly, always having a super dry mouth, and clicking my pain pump button quite often. At first, I could medicate myself every ten minutes. As the days wore on, it went from 10 to 20 to 30 minutes before I was weaned off. I had a ton of super sweet visitors, who I appreciate more than words could say. Thank you Lynne, Amber, Mandy H., Mandy W., Tyler, Sarah, Dawn, and Gretchen for bringing a smile to my face as I was recuperating. I will always remember your kindness. :) And those of you who weren't able to make it, I know that you were with me in spirit and I love you so much for thinking of me. There was quite a bit of pain, lots of tears, plenty of apprehension, but endless support. The morning after my surgery, Dr. Bridwell came in at 6:30 to have me sit on the edge of the bed and stand up. He had me march in place while he checked my incision. This became a morning routine. Throughout the day/night I would have my vitals checked by the nursing staff. I could also call them at any time if I needed help with being turned over on my side or needing anything at all. Barnes really does have amazing service and loving people to work with. I did some physical therapy by walking down the hall and back. After a while, I walked around the hallway track. Then I went to the PT room and walked up and down three steps. Since the only physical therapy I can do throughout this whole process is walk, I did plenty of it. I also had to sit in the chair beside my bed and build up endurance. It doesn't seem like siting in a chair would be hard, but it can be pretty rough the first few times. Throughout the entire experience (and still to this day) my parents have been the most incredible people ever, helping me with ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I need. I owe them big time. I went from having totally a swollen face with puffy Angelina Jolie lips (as Mom called them) to looking pretty much back to normal. Minus the whole not being able to shower thing....lol. Tomorrow I'll update more on my hospital experience, but I'll give you a quick rundown of my day today (Jan. 12th).

Today (Jan. 12th), I had somewhat of a rough night. I tried shifting positions and sleeping on each of my sides so as to not get bed sores. Well, I think I'm getting some on my heels. They wake me up every night from throbbing. Anywho, I eventually got a bit of sleep off and on, and woke up at 9:30. Took my meds, ate some honeydew for breakfast, and walked. That's what I do all day every day...walk. If I'm not walking, I'm either resting in bed, trying to build up sitting stamina in a chair, or taking pills. 'Tis my life at the moment haha. But it could be so much worse. Today was actually a pretty good day pain-wise. I of course had some bad hours, but I had some good periods of relief which was super great. Lynne came over and brought Leila. The kids always love seeing the two L's. Brightens their day, as well as mine. I am so blessed that God has put such incredible people in my life that make each burden lighter. We had chicken for dinner and enjoyed some yummy chocolate chip cookies Mark made. Today was the first day I really had any appetite, so I was definitely excited to eat some tasty food. I took a nap after Lynne left, and then did some stuff for job applications. Fun fun! Hopefully by August I will have my own classroom. One day at a time...

I hope through blogging about this I can bring hope and help to people who are about to undergo stressful surgeries in their lives. I found peace and comfort while reading about other people's experiences, so I want to provide that same ease for others. However, every bit of my strength comes from above. I made it through a major surgery with flying colors, and that is only by the grace of God. He is good and faithful, and cares for the sheep of his pasture. We may not always see it, and life may suck hardcore at times, but there is always a plan. Always. I'll update tomorrow <3


For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

One Week Post-operation

hey guys. im sorry i havent updated my blog in a while. i don't remember a whole lot about my hospital stay, so im sure my posts wold have been gibberish anyway. im sitting in a chair by the computer but my endurance hasn't built up very much so ill give a quick overview then im gonna go back to bed. my current state: woozy, achy, tense, and trying to stay positive. i keep telling myself to breathe slowly and release all of the tension. otherwise i get muscle spasms. im at my sisters house, since she and her husband are nice enough to let me live in a hospital bed in their living room. my surgery was one week ago today, so as the days wear on ill post pics and tell people what the surgical experience is like. ill also keep people updated on what healing is like. i know that i am safe in His arms and it will all work out as planned. sometimes pain is necessary to grow and mature into what you need to be. love you guys. you are the best <3

Morning of surgery

Hey there. I didn't have time to update my blog yesterday, but here's a short overview. Mom, Dad, and I woke up and headed to the hospital. We arrived at 7 and walked through an empty waiting room to Dr. Bridwell's office. It was the quietest/emptiest I've ever seen the place! We talked with Dr. Bridwell and Bernie, discussing final assessments for what would be going down. I met the guy who will be on one side of me during the operation, so that was interesting. We went from there to get my central line placed. I wasn't too scared because I wasn't expecting much. Haha I was wrong. Mom and I went back, and the guy placed an IV in my right hand. He prepped me to go into the "operating" room, where they had me change tables to lay on one with an xray machine above it. My hair was put in a cap, some guy painted me with a whole bunch of orange soap, and then gave me a sedative. I remember feeling lots of pressure, the occasional bit of pain, and the sting from the pain medication they injected three times. The guy watched on the machine as he put the line inside a huge vein leading to my heart. They stitched me up and that was that. Well, I was wheeled back to the "recovery" room, where I thought it would be okay to get in a wheelchair and leave. I was wrong. I asked for water since I couldn't have it the night before, and I think that made me sick. Dad left the room so I could get changed, and I almost passed out. I caught it in time before I fell. Long story short, I got super nauseous, lost all color in my face, had to be put back in a room to chill out, and was given two doses of the nausea medication they give to chemo patients. About thirty minutes later (I think?) I was ready to go. I then went to talk with the anesthesiology department about my health history. Suuuuper nice lady (that's sarcasm) talked with me and had no sense of humor. So much for me making jokes about being out of shape...Guess she just wasn't having it. So then we were done! Left the Center for Advanced Medicine, went to Panera, and ate some chicken soup broth and tea. It was tasty! We got some to take home for dinner.

We went to Webster, where I got some final transcripts to scan for applications. Saw Tracey and that was nice. :) Showed dad the random poster I'm on in Webster Hall. He found it funny. Then we went back to my apartment for a bit. Mom and Dad took a short nap while I hugged Macie. Then Dad got up, he and I dropped Macie off at the kennel (Country Acres), and I went to see Sarah. We met at Starbucks and it was super nice of her to buy me some tea since I could have clear-ish liquids for the rest of the night. I love her. She's such an amazing friend and I have no idea what my life would be like without her. Dad came back to pick me up and we went to Dierbergs to pick up press-n-seal for my shower. Came home, sealed me up with glad wrap and tape (two layers), then showered. Talked with a super nice friend for quite some time to chill while I ate jello and drank Gatorade. Then bed!

We're getting ready to walk out the door. I don't know if I can update before I go back for surgery. Here's the basics:

God is there for me today, but more importantly always. He loves me, will never leave me, and gave his Son so that I can sit here with full confidence that my life was ransomed. I am His. :) "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Brushing my teeth at 3:23 AM

So I'm sitting here (as you can tell by the title) brushing my teeth at 3:23 AM. Just took my last shower and I'm getting some final things in order before I go in tomorrow morning...rather in 3 1/2 hours...to get my central line placed. I haven't updated my blog the past two days, so I figured I would give a short synopsis of what has gone down.

Saturday (January 1st): Woke up, went to lunch at First Watch with Lynne and Amber. We had a yummy meal, then headed to West County Mall. After some shopping, we went to DSW shoes to try and find Amber some cute boots. That girl has got the most adorable shoes. Sadly, we drove through Sunset Hills and saw some of the tornado damage...wow... We then went to Texas Roadhouse for a tasty dinner. I had a blast just sitting and chatting with two of my favorite ladies, enjoying delicious food and putting stressful things out of my mind. After TX Roadhouse, we went back to my apartment. Amber and I changed clothes and got ready to go dancing. Although I may not seem like a stellar mover and shaker, I love going somewhere to enjoy music, dance, and have fun with my friends. Since I won't be able to move very much in the coming months, I figured I should make the most of it. We had a blast and saw a couple of my friends from Webster. I missed Frank and Angie! Amber and I came back home and hit the sack.

Sunday (January 3rd): Amber and I woke up, got dressed, and met Alex and Brett for a minute. Exchanged gifts, then Amber and I randomly met Lynne at Milagro. We enjoyed some more yummy food and laughed about the random happenings in our lives lately. After lunch, Amber and I met up with Gretchen at 141 and 44 to pick up Elly. We took her down to the Arch and bought tickets to go up in the tram. Elly held on pretty tight as we climbed up and up and up. She was a pretty brave girl. We looked out the windows, saw Busch Stadium, talked about Illinois being right across the river, and met some nice people from New York. Eventually we came back down and visited the gift shop. This was Elly's favorite part. She bought presents for her parents and brother, refusing to buy herself anything. I love that girl! We then went back to my apartment, said goodbye to Amber, and headed to Gretchen's. My wonderful sister was nice enough to take me, Elly, and Wilson to the Melting Pot. Enjoying a filling four-course meal together was one of the best times I've had in a while. Isn't it crazy how family and friends can make the most daunting situations seem like a piece of cake? I know that I have a huge support system and I can never fully express how grateful I am for that. After finishing off the dessert fondue, we went back to Gretchen's. Mandy Hanson stopped by with her speciality spine cupcakes. That girl is amazing. I miss her and feel so blessed that she is a part of my life, and has been for the last four years. We hung out, played some Headbanz (card game) with the kiddos, and decided to head back to my apartment. I had a pretty great conversation with a good friend, discussing the events ahead and talking about how to stay positive instead of whining about it. I am so appreciative of his strength and support, and hope that he (as well as all of my friends) knows how much it means to me. I then took a shower, blew my hair dry, and here I sit. It is now 3:39 AM and I have to get up pretty soon. I'm not super tired but I know I will be in the morning. I couldn't eat or drink anything after midnight, so I'm going to try to sleep and not think about how badly I want water. But you know what? God provides. I am asking for his strength even in silly little situations like this, not being able to have a drink of water when I want one. It's teaching me that He is good and His grace is sufficient for my problems, tiny or huge. Too many people on this Earth are thirsty and don't get anything to drink. I can handle it for less than a day. That's all for tonight (this morning?) and I'll update later on. Love y'all!

New Years Eve

As the alarm clock went off this morning, I was sad that it was New Years Eve. It meant that Ryan would be flying back to Hawaii. Spending almost a month together was a blast, and I enjoyed getting to see him for such an extended period of time. I'm lucky to have such a great brother, and I know he'll be with me in spirit throughout the surgery process. He eventually made it back to Honolulu safely! :)

After dropping him off at the airport, my parents and I got some breakfast at Denny's. Then we headed back toward Gretchen's house. Stopping in at Target for some contact solution, Mom and I were inside when the tornado sirens started going off. The loud speaker announced that there was a tornado warning and that we all had to go to the back of the store. Standing in the checkout line, we finished paying and went out to the car. We drove quickly back to Gretchen's and went down in the basement. It didn't rain very long, but we had about 10 minutes worth of strong winds. Went back upstairs and Wilson and I hung out on the couch for a bit. Gretchen had dropped Elly off at a friend's house earlier and went to pick her up. Thankfully there was no damage to Gretchen's house, or Elly's friends. Later found out that the storm had hit the Ballwin municipal golf course and Sunset Hills. Seeing pictures of the destruction made me realize how lucky we were that nobody was killed in the St. Louis area. My prayers go out to the families who lost their homes.

I headed over to Creve Cour and met up with Emily for coffee around 3. It was so great to see her after working with her last summer. She is so positive and uplifting, and I am happy we met through MSA. There have been so many friends I've seen the last few days, and it makes me so thankful for them. After hanging out with Emily, I headed back toward my house. I decided that I would try and go through Sunset Hills, but obviously that was not an option. I did see some houses that were affected, with collapsed garages and torn off roofs. I am so thankful that everyone I know is safe and doing alright after today's storms.

I went to Blockbuster to pick out some chick flicks for my friends and I, then went back to my apartment. Thankfully my apartment had power, and I got the place ready. Aileen, Meri, and Lynne came over to celebrate New Years Eve! We ate Rich and Charlies and started to watch Eat, Pray, Love. However, that was boring, so we changed movies. We ended up watching He's Just Not That Into You, and played with Leila the puppy. I had a blast seeing those ladies and watching Dick Clark ring in the new year. Backstreet Boys and NKOTB? No thank you... :p

Amber ended up coming up tonight instead of tomorrow morning. I am so lucky to have all of these girls  as a support system. I love you ladies! :) Welcome 2011! I hope you're a fabulous year with lots of love all around.