Reflecting on the last four years

So yesterday I graduated from college. Crazy, huh? I don't think it hit me until just now that my university years are over. Driving back to my apartment tonight, I felt like I needed to write about my thoughts. This is the only time in my life I can say "I just finished my undergraduate experience" and feel what I'm feeling. At the moment, I'm a bit melancholy (yet again, Nate :p). There are certain things about my college years that I wish I could change. Fortunately, there is a great deal more that I would not alter in the least bit. A few reflections I have:

I wish I would have spent more time with friends. For quite a while I mismanaged my time, not utilizing it wisely. Now that I see the immense crowd of incredible people that surrounded me for four years. I want to make up for that.

As I sit in my apartment, I look around. So much of my life, so many transitions, have occurred while living here. Mandy and I moved in after two years of living on campus. Excited about the last two years of college, we jumped in head first. From losing loved ones to taking new paths, we experienced some pretty crazy changes. At times we both thought life had chewed us up and spit us out. Thankfully blessings came from insane situations. I've grown up quite a bit, realizing the strength God provides. It's all ended up just fine. :)

Now it is time to be a "big kid". I will now switch sides of the desk. Unbelievably excited about this fall, I know I have much to learn. I will be working long hours and losing some sleep, but it will be worth it. Every day I will come home knowing that I have chosen a wonderfully rewarding career that makes up for any frustrations that may arise. I am honored to be trusted with such an enormous responsibility and will not let anyone down.

My life has come to a point that I never expected. If you would have told me two years ago that I would have just shared a delicious dinner with the best family (and boyfriend) in the world, started preparing for my first classroom, uploading pictures of graduation celebrations, and packing to move back to my hometown, I would have laughed. I am absolutely in awe of how fortunate I am to be in the presence of phenomenal people that have each changed my life in very specific ways. Within the next few days/weeks I want to personally let everyone know how thankful I am for their place in my crazy chaos known as daily life. As for now, just know this. I love you all. :)

From spinal surgery to first words (and last), this townhouse has seen some crazy times. Sure I've cried so hard I could barely breathe. Other times I smiled, speechless at the beauty of life's unbelievable amazing-osity. Yes, I did just invent a word. :p It is just that good. I don't want to ramble, but I just wanted to let anyone reading this know that I appreciate any prayers you are willing to send up. This next year will be one of the most challenging of my life. However, I know with the help of my family, friends, and most importantly the grace of God, I will be just fine. I am here for anyone who needs me, in any way shape or form. Please let me know if I can help and pay back those who gave me so much during college. I am truly humbled. <3

I made a video :)

Going into my surgery, I saw videos and read blogs of people who had gone through spinal fusion surgery before me. I was inspired by these people, so I made a video of my own. Here is the link to it if you so choose to watch! :) My Scoliosis Surgery Video

Looking back three months later

Wow! It's been a while since I've updated my blog, so I figured I would harken back to the days of pain pills and steri strips and post something. Three months ago today I underwent spinal fusion surgery. Dr. Keith Bridwell at Barnes Hospital in Saint Louis fused four vertebrae (L1-L4) together with bone morphogenetic protein and solidified this fusion by placing eight screws and two titanium rods on each side of my spine. Almost four and a half hours after the operation began, I was sent to recovery. Thinking back on the past three months makes me incredibly grateful. I am unbelievably blessed to have made the progress I have, held every day in the hands of a God who cares enough about me to heal my wounds. Getting out of bed this morning, I remembered how much it used to hurt. Simply rolling over on my side, pushing up with one arm while bracing with the other, and sitting up while keeping my back straight used to cause horrific pains to shoot throughout my back/hips/legs. I remember a couple mornings where screaming and crying resulted from the mere shifting of my back a couple degrees in one direction or the other. Now I am able to get out of bed without anything more than a tinge of discomfort simply from rolling around in crazy positions while trying to sleep at night. I remember not even being able to move my hips an inch to the left or right without having someone pull the sheet underneath me until I was positioned correctly. Keeping hour by hour records of when I took what pill and how long it will last until I could take the next kind was just another facet of the day. Since I last updated my blog, a couple of things have happened. I have applied to 25 different school districts, and I am excited to hear some good news before too long. I'm continuing to foster my patience as I wait and see what God has in store for me. The second week of March I moved my stuff back to St. Louis and started substitute teaching. I have been fortunate enough to see some of my friends that I missed so much while I was recuperating back in Jackson. Many times I have driven back to J-Town for various reasons, getting to see fabulous people like Miss Amber who make me realize how fortunate I am to have wonderfully supportive friends. A little over a week ago, my grandpa (PaPa) fell and broke his other hip. I came down to visit him, and was sad that he had to spend his 94th birthday in the hospital. Yesterday was my mom's birthday, so I came down to celebrate with her. Basically, it has been a great couple of months. Last Thursday was the recruitment fair for Webster teachers and I was so fortunate that I got to go and see some of my long lost education friends. After the fair, I went to Cardinal's Opening Day with Dad and Nathaniel. We relaxed, enjoyed the game, and had a few laughs. Nate got to meet Erin and Nathan, which was cool since she's heard me talk about him for so long. We also saw Lilo, yet another random connection we have that completely amazes me. Without getting too giggly and smile-tastic, I'll just say this. Nathaniel has brought me so much support, comfort, laughter, and humility over the past few months. I am so blessed to have him as a cheerleader as I emerge from this surgery stronger and more resilient. My family has been incredible as usual. I could not ask for a better group of loving individuals who have been selfless and loving beyond what is expected of them. Looking back at my worries before the surgery, I have to almost laugh at the fact that I was concerned with how I was going to make it. I was so scared that things weren't going to fall into place. The amazing thing? I am in a much better place now than I was before the surgery. I have a healthy spine, second chance at weight loss, encouragement from countless sources, and a God who refuses to give up on me. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, supported me, made me smile, or helped out in any way since January 4th. The surgery was on my plate for 10 years before it happened, and now I am so thankful that it is in the past. I've met some incredible people who have endured the same surgery, and I am fortunate enough to share my success story with them. Hopefully people will get hope from hearing how I have healed. My intent was that I can, in some way, hold somebody's hand as he or she approaches spinal fusion surgery. Was it rough? Of course. Does it still suck that I can only bend ten degrees forward? Yes. Do I get frustrated when I drop something an inch in front of me but can't pick it up? Sure does. But what was the alternative? My spine twisting so much that it causes my ribs to compact on my internal organs? No thank you. I'll take a year of recuperation before a lifetime of aches and shooting pains. However, I could not have done it without my God and my family/friends. So if you are reading this, thank you for what you have done. I appreciate it more than you could know. :) <3

Your wave crashes over me

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I need to read that verse about a thousand times a day...and then maybe a few more times. *sigh* I might elaborate later. I didn't update last night, but I'll recap the day's events as best I can.

Sunday February 20th: Woke up and ate breakfast at Drury with Mom. The kids went to swim in the pool while I took a shower. It was my first stand-up shower in a long time, and I have to admit it was great! Although the shower seat has helped me out quite a bit post-op, I think I may be saying goodbye to it. Mom and I got dressed and Dad picked us up at the hotel after his swap meet. We went to see PaPa at the Veterans' Home. I hadn't seen him since my surgery, so it was great to finally see his new place and give him a hug. The kids enjoyed playing in the game room, but I was glad just to see a smile on PaPa's face. We went back and saw his room after he showed us around his new abode. He was careful when hugging me, wanting to make sure my back was healing up alright. It was crazy hearing a 93 year old man who just had hip surgery tell me to take it easy and rest up. He could walk faster than I could! Talk about showing me up...After we left there, we ate lunch at the Chinese buffet across from El To's. Man, Wilson loves buffets! He and Elly both enjoyed the smorgasbord placed before us haha. We had a delicious lunch and then headed back to the Kasten casa for a bit. Mark and Wilson watched a basketball game while Gretch took a small nap. Before too long they had to head back to STL so Elly could have a girl scout shindig. Sad to see them go, I came back inside and indulged myself in watching Hitch. Q-tip, q-tip, q-tip...throw it away. Right Mandy? :p Most of my night was made up of me walking around my house to get my daily dose in while watching Titanic and filling out applications. I got to chat with Nathaniel for a bit about his busy day before heading to bed. Unfortunately, the night was not as kind as the past couple have been.

Monday February 21st: I woke up to some back pain, which made me a bit uneasy. I should not have been so naive as to think that my pain had completely disappeared, but I was really enjoying the whole "no pain, lots of gain" thing. I got up without too many ouches or eeeks. Dad and I watched the Price is Right while trying to figure out our own bids. We had fun trying to guess how much 365 pairs of Nine West shoes would cost. :p For lunch, the 'rents and I headed to Pie Bird Cafe. I hadn't been there in a while, so it was interesting to see how the place had not changed much. I ate a deeeelicious grilled chicken salad with wine and cheese dressing. Of course I had to get a piece of the French pair pie to go, even though I was totally full. Now I remember why I had to stop eating there, haha. My pain kept bugging me intermittently, and I think it is because of the weather. Today was so rainy and icky, a total change from the beautiful weekend we had. Maybe the weather will calm down a bit and give my back a rest. We went to Cape to see if Kinkos could fix my pdf file size issue. They tried, but to no avail. Dad and I went into the Verizon store to check and see what is wrong with my phone. Interestingly enough, the guy found more wrong with my phone than I even knew was an issue. He suggested I call customer service and get a replacement before my warranty runs out in March. To make a very long story short, Verizon wants me to completely delete my phone and everything on it to see if that works before they send me a new one. My thoughts on that? Phooey. I chose to put the matter aside and deal with it another day. When we came home, I got straight to work on signing up for a recruitment fair. Let's just say I was frustrated with the file size issue, tried my hardest, and think I found a solution to my problem. Here's to hoping that I get some interviews! I wish all of my fellow teachers the best of luck in finding a job for this fall...Fingers crossed! The rest of my night consisted of walking (with tennis shoes, to keep my feet from getting sore) around my house while watching random TLC shows. Something about people who make massive structures out of balloons? What is TV coming to? Regardless, it was entertaining as I saw bits and pieces during my walk around the house. I sat down to work on an application that I need to mail in soon. Mom came into the room and wanted to watch a special on the Amanda Knox murder case, so I watched it with her. A few more circles around the house kept me busy as I talked with Lynne on the phone for a bit. It's crazy to think that in less than two weeks I'll be back in STL with her and all of my other lovely ladies. We chatted for a little while, and then Nathaniel called. It was good finally getting to talk to him since the past few days have been pretty busy for him. I kinda miss the kid...However, I get to see him tomorrow, so that is a plus. :) My verdict on today? Two steps forward and two steps back. At least I didn't regress, right? I'm just at a crossroads where many decisions must be made in the next few months and I have no idea where I'm headed. There's so much I need to pray about and seek God for when it comes to my future. Hence the aforementioned verse from Jeremiah. :) I need to trust in him and stop relying on my own plans. Sound like a plan? :p Goodnight everyone.

Heading off to bed early

This morning I woke up, tried to sense pre-getting-up pains and I felt none. Second day in a row? Score. :) I took a pill to let it set in before I got totally out of bed. After I got up, I changed clothes and talked with Mandy about seeing her before she headed back to STL. I missed that girl...I'm excited that when I get back to St. Louis we can hang out more often and make up for lost time. She stopped by and ate some Wibs that dad picked up. We got to chat for a bit and catch up, but not for long enough. She headed out and just about that time Gretchen and her family made it into town. They checked into the Drury by our house and then came by the house. Elly handed me my belated birthday present which was awesome! I got a build a bear that she and Wilson made for me. It has hearts all over it with a sweet shirt, headband, pants, and slippers! I love it. :) When you squeeze its hand, it says "I love you!" So great...I'll keep it forever. I also got a sweet warm blanket that I am excited to use very soon. We finished getting ready and headed down to Sikeston. They got there a bit ahead of us and got our name on the list. The wait was an hour and 45 minutes, so we decided to shop around. First, we stopped by a flea market that was bare at best. Then we headed to the outlet mall for a bit. After one store, the kids got so bored that Mark and Dad took them back to Lamberts to play in the arcade. Gretch, Mom, and I looked around at a few stores before heading back. We waited in a safe little corner area where I couldn't get bumped by one of the bajillion people in line. As usual, the place was packed. Eventually we got to sit down and begin the feast. :p Of course we started off with the rolls. Soooo delicious. :) Elly and I split one. Wilson decided to catch like 5 haha. He actually caught them on his own! So awesome. Elly caught hers too, and quickly set it down because of how steaming hot it was. We ate some okra as a pass-around while we waited for our food. I got a veggie plate and by the time it arrived, I was already full. 'Tis the story of Lamberts. I tried to eat as much of my food as I could, but to no avail. By the end of the meal we had about 6 to-go boxes full of food left to much on later. We stopped by the gift shop on the way out and picked up a harmonica for Elly and a bouncy ball paddle game for Wilson. I rode back to Jackson with the Clardys while Mom and Dad went home to let Macie out. Mom packed up our stuff to stay the night at Drury with Gretchen. We got an adjoining suite which was pretty sweet if I do say so myself, har har. The kiddos put on their swim suits and went straight for the pool. Mark swam with them while I sat nearby, trying not to get splattered by the ton of people who flocked to the hotel tonight. I went to the fitness room (which is actually just a sectioned off area of the pool room) and tried to get in some more walking for the day. Nathaniel stopped by after I asked for him to visit with the fam for a while. He brought Corey with him which was nice since I hadn't talked to him for more than five minutes before. We did a little swim watching and then Mom and Dad showed up. We chatted poolside for a while and then moved to the lobby. Mom had gotten food for Corey and Nathaniel, so they ate dinner while hanging out with us instead of their already planned guys night. I felt bad for making them change their plans, but they seemed to be alright with it. We sat there for quite some time just talking about random things until I made the boys leave and go see their friends. I walked Corey and Nathaniel out to their car and said a quick goodnight in the freezing cold before heading back inside. Gretchen, Mom, and I talked a bit in their living room area before the kids decided it was bed time. Dad went back to the house to take care of Macie since he has to get up early in the morning for a swap meet. I had my first little bit of pain while sitting in the recliner chair here at the hotel. First pain in two days? Not bad at all. :) God is truly a healer in so many ways. Physically, mentally, spiritually...He is so good! Now it's time for me to take out my contacts and hit the sack. It will be my first night of sleeping in a bed other than a hospital bed. Wow...big step. :) Ever since January 4th, I've either slept in a bed at Barnes or a rented hospital bed at Gretchen's and at home. Tomorrow morning shall tell if the mattress suits my back's twisted desires. Who knows if I'll have the best night's sleep in two months or constantly toss and turn. I will let you know tomorrow. :) Good night!

Best day of 2011 thus far

I just want to dance. :) That's all I have to say. Granted, my spine may strongly disagree with me. As for today? My spine was shown who is boss. God has been so unbelievably amazing, as usual. His blessings are neverending, and I can proclaim that He is worthy of all praise. Today has been incredible, and I shall begin at the beginning. At approximately 12:14 this morning I added a new wolf to my wolf pack. Haha in other words, I was lucky enough to call myself the girlfriend of Mr. Nathaniel Golden. I'm a big fan. :) I went to bed shortly after our conversation ended, deciding not to take a pain pill. I thought, if I wake up with pain, I'll take a pill then. Fortunately, I did not wake up once with any sort of back pain. This morning I woke up and tried to get myself ready to get out of bed. Normally, I can feel my muscles start to tense up and it scares me. This time, there was no tension. I sat up, and continued to feel no pain. Every other morning at this point I begin to ache/cramp/hurt ridiculously fast and have trouble walking. Today? I stood up and felt nothing. I couldn't believe it. I even started poking myself on my hip and side just to make sure I wasn't losing feeling in my body. Nope. Sure enough, I was pain free for the first morning since my surgery. Just wait, I thought. The pain will come. I ate some lunch and watched the second half of the "8 Simple Rules" episode I wanted to see. After that, I finished up an application that has been taking me quite some time to complete. I feel much better now that that is off of my shoulders. I did a few random things here and there, still waiting for the pain to show up. Nothing yet. Mom got the mail, and guess what was inside? My diploma! I am officially a college graduate. :) It was so amazing to open up that envelope and see that piece of paper I have worked so hard to attain. I also got a sweet pink watch in the mail that Sarah bought me. She got it from hello-somebody.com and the proceeds went to feeding orphans. I LOVE it and want to buy watches for all of my friends now, hehe. If you want one, head to that website and give their merch a look. It's a great cause. :) I started to make a few laps around my house and suddenly got somewhat tired. Sitting down on the couch, I succumbed to its comfy cushions. I ended up falling asleep and took about a 30 minute nap. That felt fabulous! I woke up and started to get dressed for the evening. While primping, I was able to do everything on my own without any help. Man, that feels good! I can see the progress more now than ever, and I know I still have much room to grow. I can't wait until certain restrictions are lifted and I can get even better. However, I must be patient. :) Nathaniel arrived and had to chat with the 'rents for a bit while I finished getting ready. We headed over to Shay's for a bit so I could see my beautiful goddaughter. It was awesome to get to see Shay since it's been so long. I missed her bunches. And that cute little Autumn? Precious as usual! She was jabbering along, just having a grand old time. We left there and went to his house. The cooking of the hot wings commenced, and we just chit chatted. It was good to talk more with his roommates that I haven't talked to as much. The boys cooked up some delicious wings, and we ate 'em up! Along with some edamame of course. Soooo delicious. That made me miss STL and visits to the Drunken Fish with my ladies! It will be bittersweet heading back there in two weeks. After dinner, the guitar playing and singing began. Man those boys can make some music. I'm super jealous, considering I never learned guitar. I sang along to a few songs, trying not to mess up the beauty they had created haha. I had a great time just hanging out and listening to their jam session. Eventually it was time to head home, considering two of the boys have to be at work in, oh, 5-ish hours. Great dinner, good company, fun times. :) He took me home and here I sit. Still pain free. What is the deal? No idea, but I love it! Pain or no pain, God has blessed me with SO much that I am thankful for every day. Wow...Sometimes when life should suck really bad, God has a way of turning into an incredibly beautiful situation. That's where I currently stand. :) On that note, sweet dreams everyone!

A little happy dance? Don't mind if I do...

Here's my day. It was a pretty awesome day. Therefore, this blog post may be full of bunnies, unicorns, and rainbows. Bear with me. :) I woke up this morning and watched a little Price is Right. Man I love that show...One day I want to be in the audience. Even better, be picked to "come on down" and bid. One dollar, Drew! Alas, my dreams will have to wait. I had a tasty lunch of tomato soup while watching one of the sitcoms I have come to enjoy over the past month. While in Hawaii, I started watching "8 Simple Rules". I knew that John Ritter had died while the show was still airing, so I was curious as to how the show dealt with it. Today I saw the first half of the episode where he passes away. I rarely ever cry when it comes to movies/tv, but man I was close to it. On facebook, a random girl added me. I was a bit apprehensive, but she and I had some mutual friends who have had scoliosis surgery. I accepted her request, and it turns out she had her surgery a week before me! How crazy. :) She is from England and had a longer fusion than I did. My surgery was 4 1/2 hours long, and hers was 9...Wow! I love how I've come to know some great people who I would normally have never met had it not been for my crazy spine. Gotta love scoliosis. :P For a while I worked on some application stuff, then took a shower. As the days go by, each shower becomes less of a hassle. A lot of things are coming easier to me now, such as getting in the car, dressing myself, maneuvering throughout the house without falling and busting my face. After doing a few different things here and there, I got my tennis shoes on (which is also becoming easier). Nathaniel picked me up after he got off of work and we headed to the park. We walked around the big trail and chatted for a while. Then we went to the hillside by the band shell and got ready to fly kites. Unfortunately, one of the kites was missing a part, but we still had one! Man, it's been so long since I've flown a kite. It was simple, yet fun, relaxing, and entertaining. We got it to go up pretty high, keeping it at a nice distance for some time. Sadly, the samurai kite hit a strong wind that caused it to lose its cross bar. Down it went into a tree, much to my dismay. We went over to fetch the kite and had quite a time trying to convince the tree to let us have it back. I found humor in gigantic ten foot tall Nathaniel jumping to try and grab the string from a tall branch. After a valiant effort, we ended up breaking the string and calling it a day. We headed back to the car and then drove to my house. Mom had left a muffin from Miss Muffin's Cafe near the front door for him to keep. He decided to come inside for a minute before heading off to the gym. It was very nice of him to take me outside on such a perfectly windy day for kite flying. This week's weather has been incredible. I'm so glad I got to go outside and enjoy much of it! After he left, I ate some dinner and started to watch Shawshank Redemption. Then I realized I didn't feel like watching a somewhat sad/depressing movie (yet such a great one), so I changed the channel to watch some SNL. Of course, it was my favorite episode. December 2006, Justin Timberlake as host and musical guest...magic! Haha. I have realized that I should not sit in the recliner in the room we eat in because every time I do, I start having pain. No bueno. I received a call from Mr. Golden and we talked for a bit about some pretty great stuff. Don't you just love a good conversation? People that can communicate well fascinate me, and I appreciate a quality discussion. Let's just say that this one ended a little after midnight and on a very happy note. :) Although this blog was about February 17, I think I like the 18 better...More to come, so stay tuned, haha. Love you guys! :)

Beautiful warm day

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day. Not only was the weather amazing, but it just made you want to get out and about. Dad and I went to the post office to mail the cards I sent to my students. I miss them so much...Within a month I'll be back and hopefully sub as much as possible to see them and all of the other great students in that school. Plus, I'll get to visit lots of other great schools. It should be an awesome experience. As I make progress each day it makes me eager to try more and more. I still need to keep my limitations in mind, but I am excited that I can do more on my own as the weeks pass. After dropping off the package at the post office, Dad and I went to Stooges for some lunch. I had a delicious grilled chicken sandwich and a salad. Of course I enjoyed my favorite dressing, wine and cheese. If you haven't tried it, you should. Dad walked around with me for a bit, which makes it much less boring. Now I know why people go to the gym in pairs...it makes for great conversation and motivation. When Dad and I got home, I sat down to relax for a minute before getting to work. Do you ever have those moments when you just want to sit, breathe, and close your eyes for a bit? I did that for a minute before Nathaniel came over to pick me up. We went to the park and he encouraged me to take the longer trail. Reticence aside, we went for it. Once again, it was helpful to have someone alongside me to cheer me on and keep my mind off of pain. Today the pain has not been much of an issue...I had a little bit before lunch, but it went away. Let's hope we keep it at bay for a while. Anywho, Nathaniel and I ended up walking for two miles before we headed back to my house. I was so happy to see Ben and Adam at the park. It had been so long since I had talked with Adam, so it was great to see him. Even though I saw Ben yesterday, I still enjoyed running into him. We got back to my house and watched a little TV before he went to work out. Mom and Dad had taken a nap, and when they woke up we tried to figure out what was for dinner. Getting in and out of the car is much easier than it has been in the past, but it's still no cake walk when you do it multiple times a day. We decided to stay home and watch a movie Dad rented. He put in "Red", but I didn't get very into it. I quarantined myself into a room alone while I did an online assessment for one of the districts to which I am applying. Once that was over, I watched some Office. That never ceases to put a smile on my face. :p After an episode, I worked some more on applications and found a good stopping point. I have plenty to focus on tomorrow, so I feel comfortable what I accomplished today. Lots of walking, nice company, good conversation, and a few moments that made me smile from ear to ear. Those moments seem to be increasing recently. :) On that note, it's bedtime. Goodnight everyone!

One post for two days :)

I shall divide my post into two sections...Here we go!

Monday (February 14) aka Valentine's Day: I woke up and did the usual...Walk around the house a bit, try not to scream when my back flares up, etc. I was having a pretty good day as it went along. Not too much pain, pretty stoked about the evening's events. It's funny how some days you are so busy being excited/nervous/etc. that pain seems to come secondary. This was definitely one of those days. As the afternoon wore on, I began the preparations for the night. I took a shower, got dressed, did the makeup, and so on. I had bought a new outfit (shoes, shirt, earrings ring, etc.) so I was excited. A few things went wrong as I was getting ready. I'll spare you the details, although I'm sure they would add a bit of spice to my story. Nonetheless, I was ready to go in time for Dad to drop me off at Nathaniel's house by 6. As I walk in the door, there stands Mr. Golden, all dressed up and looking suave. It turns out he was not taking me to dinner, but had spent the afternoon cooking up something delicious for us. I was super hyped, as much of an understatement as that may be. He had made everything from an appetizer to salad to pasta to dessert...My inner fat kid rejoiced. I was blown away by his culinary abilities, and I mean that wholeheartedly. We had sparkling grape juice to drink of course, since my medications prohibit me from having anything dangerous. I had a blast just sitting there, eating delicious food, and talking with a pretty amazing dude. After dinner he opened my present which was (embarrassingly) a poem book that I had written. It covered all of the goings-on since we met in September. He was kind enough not to laugh in my face as he read it. :p We ended up watching some episodes from Season Six of The Office...My favorite show! I loves me some Michael Scott and Jim Halpert. I successfully sat on the couch with my legs laying on the ottoman. With a pillow behind my back, I was set and ready to go! As we were watching it, I had very little pain. I'm telling you, I am pretty excited about the progress that I've made over the past few weeks. It's amazing that I am leading a fairly normal life only six weeks after having my back cut open and my spine adjusted. Although Nathaniel hadn't seen very many episodes of the show beforehand, I made him a believer, I do declare! :p We then went upstairs and I got to listen to a sweet jam session with Nathaniel and his roommate Mark. Those two boys plus guitars and a harmonica equal awesomeness. I was pretty impressed by their abilities, and may even have joined in with a little shaker action during one of the songs. :) Once Clay got home, we all just chilled and talked in Mark's room. It was great getting to know the boys better. They're good people. They were of course curious about my surgery, and I tried to describe it as best as I could without making it sound horrible. Yes, there is lots of pain. Yes, I get very frustrated when I can't do something for myself. But overall, I am gaining patience and empathy as every day passes. When I have a student in the future who has a setback similar to mine, I can help them as best as I know how. On a tangent, I feel the same way about heartbreak. Since I've gone through it, I can now help my future daughter when she goes through the same thing. I can honestly say "I know how you feel" and mean every word. God gives us horribly rough situations to sift our way through to show us in the end that the strength was there all along. As true as it is, I digress. Nathaniel was kind enough to get the car started and warmed up before I went outside. A nice ride home while listening to some classical music was a wonderful end to the night. He is a true gentleman, and one that I know God placed in my life to show me that amazing people do exist, and we can't take them for granted. If you're reading this right now and thinking "Hey...So-and-so really means a lot to me and I haven't really expressed that in a while", go for it. Don't miss the chance to tell people how much you appreciate them and are blessed that they stand by your side. We really are so lucky to wake up in the morning, take a breath, and approach the day with a positive attitude. Does my attitude turn a bit sour sometimes? Sure. But I'd like to think this surgery has taught me that negativity only reverses progress. :)

Tuesday (February 15): I woke up a little bit late, but was very lucky to have a tiny amount of morning pain. I think we've gotten this down to an art where I can manage my medications and getting out of bed just right. Of course there are days when my body is like "Hey guess what? You're going to hate me for a while". We eventually make amends. :) I ate a delicious lunch of leftover mac and cheese from Outback. If you have not had Outback's "mac a roo and cheese", I highly advise you try it. On my list of mac and cheeses, it probably has the #1 spot. Once again my inner fat kid chimes in...After lunch I watched a little TV with Mom and then got dressed to go walking. Amber came over and was nice enough to pick me up. After stopping at McDonalds for something to drink, we went to the park and walked around the lake. One lap around is a 1/2 mile, so at this point in my recuperation, I should make 3 laps a day. I was so stoked to get out of the house to walk, since my dining room is only exciting the first thirty times you walk past it. We walked and got to talk about all kinds of things. From surgery to relationships to friends and family, we got a lot off of our chests. I love that girl so much, and I appreciate all she has done for me pre- and post-operation. I'm blessed to have such a strong Christian woman as a friend. We took a few strolls around the lake and then decided to leave the chilly wind and get in the car. Arriving at my house, we chilled for a little bit as she checked her Facebook. I figured since I had just knocked out my whole walking regimen for the day, I could treat myself to a little job hunting on the web. I feel bad, because something came over me and I got super tired/melancholy/weird as she and Mom were talking. I didn't contribute much to the conversation, but boy did I have a relaxing time on the couch for a bit. I'm so glad I can get into and off of couches/chairs/car seats easier now. That is one area where I have definitely gotten better. I no longer require an army of pillows to accompany me in car rides. :) Amber left to go watch her adorable nephew, and we got dressed for dinner. Mom, Dad, and I headed out to the Chinese buffet near El To's. We ran into some people we hadn't seen in a while, so that turned into a lengthy chat session over Chinese food. Once the feasting was over, we went to Walmart. Enthralling, right? Dad and I stopped at the Redbox and rented Dinner for Schmucks. We enjoy our new bluray player, hehe. I made sure to get some healthy food so that I don't pig out on junk like I usually do. This whole self-control when it comes to eating thing is new to me, so we'll see how long it lasts. :p No, I really do think the surgery has caused me to desire being healthy in more ways than one. Straighter back, smaller waistline, more exercise, etc. I am excited for the momentum to carry me into a period when I can actually do more activities. Of course I have the motivation now, but I can only bend forward ten degrees...AKA not very much haha. But I make do, and I look forward to what is to come. In more ways than one. :) Goodnight all!

Sunday Sunday Sunday!

Hooray for being able to go to church! Haha I was able to take my medicines at the right time that allowed me to get up and at 'em this morning. We got dressed and headed to good old St. Paul. The service was schweet, and we had a sermon from our interim pastor. The focus of the message was on why we go to church. It made me ponder a few things. Also, I was pretty stoked to have a new viewpoint on a song that's always sung. In "Trading My Sorrows", I've always sung the lyrics the same way. Today, one specific line had a new meaning for me. "I'm trading my sickness, I'm trading my pain, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord." Pretty much exactly what I need to be doing. I was able to sit through the service without too much bodily interruption. I did get up during the offering and walk around in the back of the sanctuary. Since my doc said I shouldn't sit for such long periods of time, I decided to take a little walk before sitting back down. After church I got to talk with our pastor's wife, who sadly told us how he is very weak and about to undergo a stem cell surgery. His battle with cancer isn't looking very good at the moment. Prayers would be much appreciated. I saw an old family friend and he said he was glad to see me up and around. Since I've been on the prayer list at church for the last month or so, he said he was happy I'm getting better. "I'd slap you on the back, but that wouldn't do you much good," he said. After church we ate lunch at Casa Mexicana. I was so glad to see Mrs. Dooley there! She is such a blessing to so many people, and it was awesome to talk with her for a second. I also got to see Alex and Milissa, which was good since I haven't seen them in ages. Lunch was delicious, as pollo feliz generally is there. After lunch we headed to the mall. I wanted to get a new outfit for Valentine's Day. Plus, I figured it was a good way to get in some of my daily walking. Dad went to Barnes and Noble to read as usual while Mom and I perused the shops. I found a pretty cute outfit (accessories, shoes, and all) for pretty cheap. Woohoo! I normally don't like shopping for clothes, but it was fun today for some reason. After a while I did get somewhat wore out and my back started to ache. However, I would say it was worth it. :) We stopped by McAlisters on the way home to get some tea and dinner for later. The ride home was somewhat painful, so I decided to take a nap when we got back. I actually got to lay on the couch, which felt great. It was a change, so I'm sure my body liked laying on something other than an inner spring mattress. Macie decided she would jump on top of me, which was a bit of a shock. Thankfully she didn't hurt anything, and got off without causing me too much anguish. As jarring as it was, it felt nice to be normal for a second, just snuggling with my puppy. I woke up to a very pretty sunset and felt rested. A few rounds around the house were in order, then dinner. We ate tasty sandwiches and soup and then started to watch the Grammys. I was a tad unimpressed by this year's show. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Usher and Lady A. However, I don't think that Arcade Fire has enough talent to win what they won. Regardless, it was fun to watch. During commercial breaks (and acts I did not like) I would walk around the house. I worked a little bit on Nathaniel's present, which I cannot reveal on here in case he reads this before tomorrow. :p I chatted a bit with some friends, tied up a few loose ends, and now it's time for bed. Eeek...1:35 is past my bedtime. But hey, I'll probably wake up in a few hours anyway. Gotta love my trusty old back lol. I'm starting to own this whole scar thing. Yes, I do have a gigantic scar down my back. Yes, I did survive a major surgery. Am I banged up a bit? Of course. But I have a feeling once it's all said and done I'll be showing off my titanium rods like they were a Miss America crown. I am who I am. :) Goodnight, everyone!

Sometimes life just makes you laugh

This morning I changed my pill schedule around a little bit (as directed by my nurse) so that I could have some meds in my system before I tried getting out of bed. Considering the getting out of bed routine was causing me mucho pain, I gave the new regimen a try. Thankfully, I was up and ready to go sooner than in days past. I got to walk around a bit, pet Macie, and check to see if all the snow had melted. In the time it took me to make a few rounds around the Kasten abode, I got ridiculously nauseous. I won't gross you out with details, but let's just say taking those two medicines so close together on an empty stomach was a bad idea. Dad went to go get some lunch, and I thought I'd be hungry for it by the time he got back. Negative. I ate a few bites and watched some TV with the 'rents. Once again I started walking around the house to get my mind off of my stomach. Before I knew it, it was a little after 3:00. Nathaniel stopped by since our plans had changed last night. I was just glad that his mom was doing better, so I felt honored that he would drop in. We got to talking with Mom and Dad for a little bit, then realized it was almost dinner time and neither of us had eaten much. Since he had never tried Wibs, I took him to try some of Jackson's finest bbq. After dinner we went back to Casa Kasten and vegged out for a little bit. We ended up watching The Notebook since it was on TV. Talk about tear jerker...I didn't end up crying but by golly I felt like I should, haha. It's such a great movie! I actually sat on the couch criss cross applesauce for the whole movie! Look at me go, haha. I used to be so afraid to sit on the couch since it took so much effort getting back up, but things are getting easier day by day. After the movie was over he headed out to spend some time with the boys and I talked with Little Lynne Dawg for a bit on the phone. Now I'm getting ready to head off to bed. Last Sunday I couldn't go to church because of the pain. I'm doing everything I can to make sure tomorrow is different. You hear that pain? Try and keep me from doing what I want. Before long you'll be gone and I'll be back to normal. :) That's right. Although a few things today made me sad (mostly because of stupid people taking advantage of others who don't deserve the hurt), I had a rather fantastic day. Don't you just love those? I'll try to bask in my current state of happiness and head off to dreamland. See you tomorrow! :D

Life is like a box of chocolates

You never know what you're gonna get. Can you tell what movie I watched tonight? :) It was a good end to the day. I started off in quite a bit of pain. Probably one of the worst mornings so far. I have no idea why my pain in the mornings has become so severe, but I'm willing to try anything to make it stop. Maybe it's the mattress I'm sleeping on, or possibly my body shifting when I don't mean to in the middle of the night. Either way, it merited a call to my doctor in St. Louis. Eventually I was able to walk on my own, just in time to watch The Price is Right. Making my rounds, I was able to catch bits and pieces. That's generally how my TV watching goes, but it works for me. I got a few things together for Dad to run an errand before lunch. I owe him bigtime with all of the favors he does for me. When I feel comfortable driving, I'll owe him about a jillion favors. My day was pretty much the same as usual. I did have more random pains throughout the day, but that is to be expected. I have been taken off of about half of my medications, so I expected to be feeling more pain as those go away. I am a bit curious to see what the doctor says on the 28th. Hopefully it will be a good appointment, with him saying I haven't completely screwed up my spine somehow. I know it sounds crazy, but when I'm hurting so bad it brings tears to my eyes, I can't help but think I've done something wrong and caused the extra pain. I'm allowed to try and turn over on my side in the middle of the night, but I'm scared to move something too much or shift something just enough to harm my back. I've heard (and felt) my lower spine pop, which makes me a bit uneasy. Mom keeps reassuring me that I can't do anything to hurt myself. I guess when I have a lot of time to think, it makes me come up with all the reasons why I shouldn't have had surgery. I think about how I felt before the operation, and wish I hadn't taken it for granted. Then I get my right mind and remember that this was necessary. Later in life I would have regretted it had I not gone through with the surgery now. It will make my quality of life so much better. These are the things I have to tell myself when I can barely move without screaming. The pain is temporary. A year from now I'll look back and say "Hey Kelley...Why did you whine so much? It had to happen, it happened, and now I'm totally back to normal." I'm blessed that my current state will eventually go away. In the past week, two of my friends have had people they love get pretty sick. It's forced me to take my life now, pain and all, and thank God that I am making the progress I am. Please say a prayer for those who are in need of healing. Maybe this can be a time where you look at yourself and see how great you really have it. If you're healthy and in the company of people you love, smile and relax. I'll try to stop being such a negative Nancy and think clearly about my situation. All things considered, I'm doing just fine. :) Heck, I'm doing better than fine. Anyone reading this who has had a hand in making my life post-op easier, thank you. I appreciate your love and support. Even the tiniest bits of encouragement have made a huge difference. Thanks for putting up with my occasional freak-outs. I started this blog to put other people facing scoliosis surgery at ease, and it's actually done more for my healing than I intended. That being said, this entry is done. Goodnight guys. :)

Melancholy once again

One interesting aspect of recuperating from a pretty big surgery is the tendency to throw pity parties. I'm normally the type to avoid such behavior, so I'll try not to vocalize one on here. However, it is strange how your emotions can roller coaster even within the confines of 12 hours. I woke up this morning, did the usual "holy cow my back/side/hip/leg hurt and I can barely move so I should probably take a pain pill" thing, and eventually loosened up. I ate a little yogurt and watched a little TV. I finished up an application for a local district and handed it over to Dad. He dropped it off at the post office while picking up some lunch for us. Once again I enjoyed some delicious Wibs. I'm going to miss that when I head back to St. Louis. Turning the TV to news, I watched the coverage of Mubarak's "stepping down". I can't begin to imagine what's going to happen there...I actually decided to lay down and take a quick nap after waiting for Obama's comments. When I woke up, Amber was over at our house doing Mom's hair. She is such a great friend in so many ways. After she finished fixing up Mom, we looked at her wedding photos. She and that Aaron guy make a pretty cute couple. :p We hung out for a while and she ended up staying for dinner. After dinner, we did a little catching up with people from the past. It's so weird how much our lives have changed in a four year span. Trying to imagine where my life will be even six months from now makes my head spin. Thus, I will try not to think about it. :) While I was working on a piece of writing, I had a momentary lapse of intelligence and had some trouble with a grammatical concept. I called up Nathaniel, and of course he answered my question. Helpful as usual, he encouraged me to keep up with the progress on applications. I got my teaching certificate in the mail today, which definitely lifted my spirits. Four years of work came down to this, so I was relieved to have it in my hands. I also got a sweet email from someone I worked with at my apprentice teaching school, so that made me happy. I miss all of them so much...Hopefully I can come visit soon. Once Amber left, I realized I hadn't walked much today. For some reason I was ridiculously motivated to walk like crazy. Jamming to a little JB helped me focus on the task at hand. Walking really does make me feel better, so I need to remind myself that I will heal even faster if I take the time to do so. Let's just say I walked so much tonight that my feet ache. That would explain why I'm laying in bed updating this. After the high of walking left, I started feeling pretty down. I can't put my finger on it, but I suppose it's a mixture of anxiety, frustration, cabin fever, and apprehension. At the moment I'm not the happiest camper, but I know these feelings will pass. I know that my blessings far outweigh my troubles right now, and I need to remind myself of that. The verse that I need to focus on is as follows: "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. On that note, I'm going to head to bed. Sleep well, everyone. :)

Beautiful snowy day

I woke up this morning to snow. Hard to believe, right? For some reason, it was so beautiful today. I was entranced by the flakes as they fell to the ground. Part of me wanted to go out and run around in it, but the other part of me said "Hey Kelley. Remember when you had that spine surgery? It wouldn't feel very nice if you slipped and fell." Thus, I stayed inside in the warm house. I am excited for the next winter when I can go outside and play with Elly and Wilson. I hope they won't be too old or too cool to go sledding with their Aunt Kelley. I had a delicious lunch of leftover chicken from Broussards. Afterwards, I devoted my time to finishing this certain application I've been putting off. It felt very nice to finish it up, put it in an envelope, and hand it to Dad to mail. Unfortunately, I feel like working on applications has taken over the time that I should be walking. At this point, I need to be walking more than sitting and applying to District XYZ. If any of you have my cell phone number, text me and remind me of the benefits of walking. :p Thankfully I did a good bit of walking today that I feel comfortable with hitting the sack. Something tells me regardless of how much I walk the day before, I will still wake up in pain. Regardless, I must obey my doctor's orders. For dinner Mom made my favorite: broccoli and cheese. We also had pork chops and sweet potatoes. I watched a little Toddlers and Tiaras while working on another application. I've found that turning the TV up loud enough entertains me while I make my rounds around the house. Also, I've started wearing house shoes on my feet as I walk because my feet were getting very sore while walking barefoot. Sometimes I go to sleep with lots of lotion on my feet in socks. It helps to keep my feet from drying and cracking in this crazy winter weather. Hopefully tomorrow I can get to see Grandpa or go out in public somehow. Last week's sudden outburst of outings wore me out, but cabin fever is setting in once again. Thankfully, I think this weekend is shaping up to be a pretty great one. :) I'll get to see some people I love spending time with, and possibly relax with Macie while watching a bluray or two. I do need to take this time to heal, even as much as I'd love to be back to normal and do everything on my own. Patience is a virtue, and one that I do not have, haha. Before I know it, it will be summertime and I'll be a bit more independent. Then comes August and hopefully (fingers crossed) a job. There I go getting ahead of myself...I need to stop planning so far ahead. It just stresses me out, which leads to back pain, which leads to more stress. Guess what that means? It's time for bed. Goodnight, everyone! :)

Never say never

Yes...I did just title my blog the name of the new Justin Bieber movie. Deal with it. :) Today was an interesting day. I woke up earlier than I have in a while (woop woop) and walked a little. I gave Dad another application to mail as he headed to Rotary. My progress on apps has slowed a bit the past few days, since I've been trying to get in more walking and less sitting. I ate some yummy leftovers for lunch as I watched Made. I wonder what I would be "made" into if I was ever to be on that show. Dad drove Mom and I over to Amber's house so that she could do Mom's hair. I brought over one application that had to be hand written so I could work on it, but realized I couldn't do much without looking at my computer. Amber gave Mom a perm and it looks so good! Seriously, she's great at everything she does. I love that girl. I got to see her cute little dog again and talk with Aaron. He's such a fun guy. While Mom was getting her hair done, I walked around Amber's house. It was nice to have a change of scenery for once. :p Amy called me while I was there, and it was so great to hear from her. It's been way too long since she and I have hung out and I miss her like crazy. When I get back to STL, we're definitely going to get together. After we left Amber's, it was time for dinner. Dad picked us up and we went to Broussards. Nathaniel met us there after getting his hair cut, so it was good to sit and chat with him. Man I love their food, but it fills me up so fast. At least I have left overs for tomorrow. :) He was sneaky and paid for the bill...Tisk tisk. I'm sure Mom will find some way to get that money in his hands. She hates it when people pay for the bill when she wants to as a gift. Gotta love her. :) It was SO cold outside and I had to hurry up and get in the car before my face froze off. We went from there to FedEx Office so that I could get something scanned. I left my printer/scanner in St. Louis, so I figured that would be the place to get it done down here. After Dad helped me with that, we got some Starbucks to warm up. I enjoyed my chai latte with soy milk. Mom and Dad's hot chocolates lacked something to be desired. I agree with them, that McDonalds has the best hot chocolates. Think I'm crazy? Try one. We got back to the house and I've been walking quite a bit. I'm reading "The Alchemist", so I've been trying to read that while walking. Sometimes I have to take a break because I get dizzy walking in circles and reading. :p As for updates on my back situation, here goes:


1. I can now get out of the Denali without a step stool. I still need it to get up into the car, but I can slide out using the runners on my way down.
2. Waking up and getting out of bed every morning still causes the same pain to shoot from my side, through my right hip, down my leg, and into my knee. I take some medicine and it still doesn't really go away until about mid-day.
3. I'm trying to be more conscious of how I move when I'm not having pain. That sounds strange, but sometimes the medicine causes me to forget I'm in pain, and I will automatically bend or twist when I shouldn't. It's so strange how pain is a good thing at times.
4. Walking is the bomb.com. I never thought that repetitive walking in circles would be by any means entertaining, but it helps. I feel so much better on the days where I walk than on the days where I skimp out on it. I can see why my doctor wants that to be my physical therapy right now.
5. I need to stop seeing every day as the same. It's tough to get in this cycle of "ugh I have to do this same routine all over again" and forget to look at the little things. I have to try harder and see small blessings that occur every day. Yes, I might have a repetitive schedule currently, but that doesn't mean that every day brings something new and exciting. On that note, I'll leave you with this:


Matthew 6:25-34:
 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

   “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Today = Success

:) I'm a happy camper right now. You know when you have those moments where you are just in a good mood and you can't quite explain why? Yep...I have many reasons why I should smile but the pain has recently made me forget those blessings. Well, I'm choosing to fight back. Take that, back pain. Today I woke up and walked a little bit before lunch. In the middle of lunch, I had one of those random "holy cow this hurts really bad" moments, where I immediately stood up in pain. I decided to remedy that by walking it off if possible. That worked for a bit, but I still had quite a bit of tension in my back/hip/leg. Dad had bought me some heating/cooling packs so I tried one today. The heat did divert my attention for a bit, but didn't work long-term. I'm still really curious as to why only the right half of my body is experiencing pain right now. For the past few days now, it's started behind my right rib cage, gone down into the area where there is now hardware, into my hip joint, through my leg, and into my knee cap. Sometimes, when the pain centralizes in my lower back, it scares me that I have done something wrong and totally screwed up the rods or screws or something. I know that is probably not the case, but I worry nonetheless when the area I know was just ripped in half hurts like crazy. I almost set up an appointment for an xray down here to make sure everything is in its proper place, but decided to nix that idea. We'll see how tomorrow (technically today) goes. I worked on some applications, got two ready for Dad to mail. I felt as if I had accomplished enough in the time span it took me to do so. I still have plenty of work to do, but I'm trying to take my parents' and friends' advice to take it easier than I have been. Since Macie looked ever so comfortable napping on the couch, I decided to join her. Not on the couch, unfortunately. Back to my trusty old hospital rental bed. I actually woke up in time to smell the delicious dinner Mom was cooking. I sat down to eat a super tasty meal of meatloaf, peas, squash, and mashed potatoes. It was so yummy, in fact, that I completely forgot about my back pain. Crazy, right? :) I then commenced walking. For quite some time I made my rounds around the house, catching glimpses of shows like Cake Boss, ANTM, and Two and a Half Men. Stopping to update my 30 day facebook album and work a bit more on applications, I got a call from Lynne. It was good to talk with her since it seems like we haven't got to talk much since she left here Saturday. Won't be too long and I'll be back up in STL to see good friends like her, Mandy, Mandy, the list goes on and on. Eww I hate ending sentences with prepositions. Oh well, I'll let it slip since it's late. :p After getting off of the phone with her, I got a phone call from Mr. Golden. It was a pleasure as always to get to talk with him. You know those conversations that when they're over, you feel like you could dance a jig of some sort? I do suppose that conversation was one of them. Unfortunately, doing a jig is physically impossible for me at the moment. *sigh* I can wait a few months I suppose. Maybe I'm just overly happy today. Or perhaps very aware of the blessings in my life. Whatever it is, I'm happy that I'm happy. :) Goodnight all <3

Superbowl Sunday

I woke up to quite a bit of pain. Unfortunately, it made me so uncomfortable that I had trouble walking. I wanted to go to church, but Mom talked me into staying home. In the end, I agreed with her. My pain was too much for being out of bed for too long. I tried walking a few laps around the house, and then went back to bed. I ended up sleeping until almost 2. Still having the pain, I had to take some medicine and walk some more. Thankfully, the pain subsided long enough for me to take a shower and relax for a little bit. Amber and Aaron had invited me to their superbowl party, and I was feeling well enough to go for a while. Mom and Dad needed to run some errands in Cape, so they dropped me off at the Fortner residence for some superbowl fun. We watched the game, the commercials, and got a tour of their newly fixed up house. They are such an incredible couple...definitely a marriage founded in Christ. I love both of them dearly. It was great to meet some of their friends that I had never seen before. One girl told me that her cousin had the same surgery I had, even at the same hospital! I wonder if she had Dr. Bridwell, too. Small world, huh? She said that her cousin is leading a totally normal life, has had a child without any back problems, and is actually pregnant with her second. That reassured me that I will eventually return to my old self. She was very nice and we talked for a bit. Nathaniel came over after halftime and got to meet everyone. We ended up talking through the last half of the game and missing most of the commercials, but that's okay. I'm sure I can look them up online tomorrow (or watch them repeatedly on TV for the next few months). The Packers won, true to Wilson's prediction. Actually, he said that either the Packers or Steelers would win. I need him to buy me a powerball ticket...Haha :) It was a great night, with meeting new people and hanging out with Amber. That Nathaniel kid is pretty cool too I guess... :p He was nice enough to give me a ride home since I didn't want to make Mom and Dad drive all the way into Cape just to get me. It's times like these when not being able to drive sets me back, but that's alright. I'll make due. :) I made it home safely despite the wet roads. Mom and I watched some Toddlers and Tiaras and now I'm ready for bed. Yay for sleep! :)

Haven't updated in a few days

The past couple of days have been pretty jam-packed, so I've been too tired to update before I went to bed. I will give a general overview of the highlights, and then I'm going to hit the sack. First, here are my medical details:

1. I am now able to roll out of bed on my own without assistance. That is, if someone can take down the side bars for me. :) I still need assistance to get into bed, but hopefully that will change soon.
2. I can sit in chairs that don't have arms and successfully get in and out of them. That includes my couch, which means I can sit and pet my dog when I need some snuggles.
3. My hip pain has pretty much turned into a "tightness/ache/uneasiness from my right side down to my knee" pain. I have at least come up with some ways to deal, and Dad got me a heating pack to try.
4. I can get in and out of cars that are low to the ground, but still need help with the Denali.

As for other details, here's the low down. Thursday I had a very rough morning/afternoon so I slept quite a bit. Thankfully, I woke up and felt much better. Nathaniel was nice enough to take me outside of the house for a while to cure my cabin fever. I was able to get in his car on my own without help (yayyyy), much to my parents' relief. We ate dinner at BWW and I got to meet some more people that he works with, which was nice. In the bathroom, a lady and her daughter stared at me as I hobbled toward the sink. Hesitantly, she said "Honey...are you okay? Do you need help?" I explained the reason behind my slow gait, and she proceeded to ask me all about my surgery. I put a plug in for her daughter to be screened for scoliosis early, and she agreed since she was a nurse. As I walked back to the table, poor Nathaniel thought I had fallen in since it took me so long. We had a yummy meal and then I asked to see his sweet new house. It was very pretty! I'm not sure if four guys want me to refer to their house as pretty, but I liked it. Very nice fixtures and tile and such. He even had the super awesome pictures that Elly drew him sitting on his dresser. She's quite the artist, I must say. We went back to my house and he helped me make my birthday present. As weird as that sounds, he bought me the material to make one of those tied fleece blankets since I'm always complaining about being cold. Along with Lynne's pretty purple blanket she gave me, this one is super warm. That pretty much sums up Thursday. (Maybe I am more long winded than I thought...) Friday I woke up and did a little walking after taking my medicine. Mom was at the front door and called for me to come see what was on the porch. She asked "What is it? I wonder what that is. Who sent that?" Of course I was curious, peeking around to see what it might be and who sent it. As I am peering closer, Lynne and Leila jumped out of the box. Needless to say I almost had a heart attack. When I had finally caught my breath, I hugged her and the doggie. They came down to surprise me for my birthday. It was so sweet! :) She had planned on coming down earlier in the week, but the snow had kept her from it. I was just glad she came at all! We ate some dinner and then Amber came over. We got dressed and headed over to the boys' new house for a housewarming shindig. It was good to meet some new people and play Apples to Apples. I forgot how much I miss playing that game lol. It makes me think back to the days of MSA. Boomba anyone? Lynne brought Leila over, and of course she was the life of the party. Everyone loved her. Amber called Aaron and he came over after work. I'm glad he got to come since I haven't seen him in a long time. We had fun talking and getting to know new friends, and then headed back home. It had started snowing while we were there, so Amber drove very carefully home in the snow. I was so thankful she drove, since Lynne isn't familiar with the area and I am obviously not in the best physical shape to be driving. :) She made it home safe, and we all went to bed. This morning Lynne had to leave so she could take Leila to her first puppy class. That ended up being rescheduled, which kind of stinks. Regardless, I'm glad she got to see Jackson in all its glory. I did some walking for a while and then took a little nap. Lynne says I don't let my body rest enough, so I figured I'd listen to her. :p We had a tasty lunch and I went to work on applications some more. Dad ran some errands at Walmart while Mom fixed homemade vegetable soup for dinner. So yummy and healthy. :) We had cornbread with it too, which always makes me happy. After dinner we went in the family room to try out our new Bluray player. We watched "The Other Guys" and chilled for a bit. Once that was over, I've been working on applications some more and Mom has been doing random things around the house. As I look at the clock and see what time it is, I realize that I need to get some rest. Church is at 10:45 tomorrow (today), so I better head out. Sleep well everyone! :)

Insert clever blog title here

Hola. Today there isn't much to blog about, considering I haven't even been awake 12 hours and I'm so ready to go to bed. I woke up at random times for small periods of time, but totally woke up at 1PM. As I've said numerous times before, it drives me nuts when I feel like I've wasted my day. However, I guess my body is telling me "Stop being so hardheaded and obsessively motivated right now...Sleep!" We had a yummy lunch of ham and potato salad while watching Everybody Loves Raymond. I'm convinced that TBS has the best line-up of shows. I mean, you've got E.L.R., The Office, King of Queens, etc. You can't get much better than that. I walked around the house for a while, trying out a new path. Adventurous, I know ;) Macie was laying on the carpet next to the window, watching the snow fall. We're just lucky we dodged the bad weather. I watched some news concerning the situation in Egypt, and I can't begin to imagine what it's like there. We should all send our prayers that way. I did a couple of things job application related, spent some time figuring out what I need to send where. I'm just hoping something comes out of this, perhaps an interview or two? Fingers crossed. :) Tonight for dinner Dad picked up Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza (yum) and two movies on Bluray for our new player. After we ate, we watched The Social Network. Tomorrow Dad and I are going to watch Inception for the first time. I heard it will blow my mind. We shall see! As for surgery-related news, here we go:

1. Random pains that feel like someone is stabbing me continue
2. My hip pain has traveled down my leg to the point where some nerve makes my kneecap ache
3. Since I have regained a lot of feeling in my back, I can feel every little thing that touches my incision
4. I can now successfully get out of bed without anyone's help :D Now, getting in bed is another story...That still requires some assistance from Mom or Dad.
5. Sometimes when I'm not feeling much pain, I forget that I had the surgery (crazy, I know), and start doing things I shouldn't like a) turning without shifting my torso, b) instinctively trying to grab something before it hits the ground c) slouch in a chair, etc.
6. I'm four weeks out with much recovery ahead. As for what is to come, I have no idea, but I hope it's only up from here.

It's 11:18, and I am so tired that I believe I will retire before midnight. Crazy, right? I know...Maybe this will make me wake up at a decent hour. Sweet dreams, everyone!

Why hello there, 22

So it's official. I'm 22 years old. Maybe it wasn't one of the most highly acclaimed of birthdays, but I enjoyed it. :) I woke up, got tired, went back to bed, then got up for good around 11. Sarah called to wish me a happy bday and I was happy that we got to talk for a while. Now that she's back in Mississippi, I miss her like crazy. I had a rather healthy lunch of vegetable soup and mint chocolate mousse for a total of 120 calories. Pretty fabulous, except I was hungry very soon afterward lol. I did some walking while listening to my ipod. The music of the day? A little Joe Nichols and Relient K. I didn't walk as much as I should, but I figure on my birthday I deserve a bit of a break, right? I'm sure I'll pay for it tomorrow in pain. As for today, I went pretty much the entire day without pain. However, I'm getting ahead of myself. I was so thankful for all of the people who wished me a happy birthday, whether it was through text, phone call, or facebook. I appreciate everyone's well wishes. :) Gretchen called and it was good to hear from her. Ryan sent me a text and definitely made me smile. I wish I was in Hawaii celebrating with him, but I know he was here with me in spirit. Mom was nice enough to get some things ready while Dad ran some errands. By the time 4 o'clock rolled around, the house was decorated for my birthday and the celebration was about to start. Nathaniel and Amber arrived, and I was so happy to see them. Amber's birthday present of a scrapbook was super cool and I will always treasure it. Nathaniel got me some schweet balloons, a card, and some fleece. Now you might be saying, why fleece? We're going to make a blanket together so that I can stay warm in my hospital bed during these freezing winter nights. It's a project in progress. :) Lynne also sent me her birthday present via the internet, and I was so happy. I love her creativity and ability to make me smile in the most random ways. I am super blessed to have friends like I do, and I have no idea what my life would be like without them constantly encouraging me to move forward. We had a yummy dinner of twice baked potatoes, ribs, corn, green beans, and potato salad. It was delicious! After dinner, out came the cake. I of course blew out my 4 candles (2 on one side and 2 on the other...get it? lol) and was excited to dive in. We stuffed ourselves full of cake and ice cream until we were about to pop. The whole meal was very very tasty. Then we went back in the family room and watched some random videos. A little madrigal feaste, some home videos of when I was little, clips of Amber's wedding, etc. It was fun to just sit and reminisce for a while. Mom and Dad went upstairs, and Nathaniel, Amber and I just sat and talked for a while. It was so great to just have some chill time with two great friends, talking about life and smiling. They most definitely brought up my spirits and made me realized how much I have to be thankful for. The healing process can make you feel like you've lost part of yourself, but in actuality, I've learned more about who I am. My focus is clearer, and I can see life in a different light that shows me how blessed every single day is. Am I a year older? Yes. Does that make me feel old? Yes. Was I lucky enough to wake up this morning, breathe, and have a fabulous day? Yes. Sometimes birthdays are exciting, sometimes they're bland, and other times they make you soak in every drop of beauty from your surroundings. Here I go getting all sappy and philosophical again, but honestly. The last year has brought me many unexpected twists and turns, but each one of them is bringing me closer to the person God wants me to be. I am slowly being formed, the pieces of my life switched around like a rubik's cube until it all will fall into place. Thanks, February 1st. You kinda rocked it out today. :) <3

Justin Timberlake's Bday

Happy birthday, Justin. I know it's the big 3-0, but as Sarah said, age is just a number. :p I woke up late today...probably my body compensating from all the energy I exerted yesterday. Nonetheless, I got to talk with Sarah on the phone for a bit. That was good, considering I rarely get to catch her when she's not busy now that school is back in session. I miss her! Her mom actually came by and brought a few things. First, she brought me new contacts and some solution (hooray!) since I didn't bring the ones I needed down here. I am very thankful for her taking the time to come out here. It was good to see a smiling face. :) She also brought Sarah's present to me for my bday. I got a sweet book called "Crazy Love". So many of my friends have been telling me that I need to read it, so I guess now is the time! I got balloons, flowers, and a stuffed animal too. :D Thanks Sarah and Dawn! Dad brought home some lunch from Little Miss Muffin and poor Macie whined the whole time she saw me eating it. Dad has been amazing lately, running errands constantly for Mom and I. He's always either driving to Jackson or Cape to drop something off or pick something up or do anything he can to help. He bought a new DVD/Bluray player today since our DVD player pooped out on us. We noticed it after watching Avatar and the characters were all green lol. I'll have to try out a schnazzy bluray movie sometime soon. Dinner consisted of food from My Daddy's Cheesecake. Yum! I tried a new sandwich I've never had. Look at me being all adventurous lol. After dinner we watched a little TV while I tried to get rid of my hip pain. Yesterday I had very little and today it came in spurts. Most annoying pain of the day? Most definitely the random stabbing sensations I have on my right hip area. They come so fast and hurt so much they almost make me scream. It freaks Mom out a bit when I randomly howl in pain, but it's just my body's immediate reaction. I'm wondering if some stitch has popped loose inside my skin or if the hardware is scraping against a muscle or what. I'm just weirded out by pains that I can't find their source. I expect back pain, that's a given. But as for strange momentary "I'm getting pricked by needles" pains, those are from left field. Anywho, I walked around some more, listening to my newly updated ipod that has songs Ryan was nice enough to lend me. It's funny how music motivates me to walk. I usually either use the time to pray, contemplate job interview questions, or listen to music lol. Tonight's music choice was a little Destiny's Child, some Usher, and (yes I'm ashamed to say it) Justin Bieber. Whatever makes me want to walk, I'll listen to it. I welcome any suggestions for those of you who jam while you're at the gym. Mom and I started to watch Invictus (or however you spell it) but I fell asleep halfway through it. My body is so strange right now with sleep. I swear it needs like 10 hours before it's content lol. I have to get out of that habit before I move back to St. Louis. I guess my body is finally making me listen to its demands for rest and healing. But it's just more fun filling out applications and sitting down to pet my dog. Which, by the way, was a success today. Today was the first day where we let her our of her cage while I was walking. She didn't attempt to jump up on me or anything! She was such a good girl, just being calm and playing with her toy. She even let me scratch her belly on the couch for a bit :) Canine therapy is a good thing. On a random note, I'm considering making a video to post on youtube featuring pictures I've taken throughout the surgery process. I've put pictures on facebook, but I want people who aren't my fb friends to be able to see my journey and possibly help someone who is headed down that same path soon. I guess I'll just use some of my downtime to put a video together and hope it inspires someone. It's weird how some of the weakest times of your life lead to the biggest blessings. I don't want to get all sappy and cliche, but if anyone reading this is going through a rough time, please try to think positively. There really is power in positive thinking, and I hope you are able to look past the current chaos and find beauty in small things. When I was in Hawaii, there was one certain flower that I looked at, and it was during a time where I was kind of freaking out about the impending surgery. For some reason, that flower totally made me realize how wide and huge and gigantic this world is, and how much intricacy and beauty is found everywhere. We live in a world that tends to dwell on what we don't have, but we should focus on what is already ours. Smile, take a deep breath, and let the immense awe and wonder of life bring a sigh of relaxation. The simple fact that I woke up this morning was a blessing. We take so much for granted. Actually, this is totally random, but here is my challenge for you today. "You" meaning anyone reading this. Take a scrap of paper and write down five things that you are thankful for. No, it's not Thanksgiving. I know we're past the "holiday season", but seriously think about it. Write down five things/people/places/etc. that you refuse to take for granted. Hopefully it might brighten your day a bit. :) Okay so I'm done being all philosophical and hippy-ish. Life is beautiful. That is all. Goodnight :)

Busy busy day!

This morning we woke up and went to church. It felt so good to be there, since I haven't gone in quite some time. I was lucky enough to see some people I haven't seen in a while, get some hugs from church friends, and hear that people had been praying for me. My name was even mentioned on the prayer list for people recovering from surgeries. It felt a bit strange sitting in the pews while pastor was praying for me, but I feel blessed to be a part of such a great church. I might even sing with the praise team once or twice before I move back to St. Louis. :) After church, we went to eat at El Torero. For those of you who aren't from the Jackson/Cape area, this is quite possibly the hottest joint in town, haha. Actually, it's just a mediocre Mexican restaurant with super yummy cheese sauce and the Heartland Special. I was excited to sit in a normal chair and eat at a normal restaurant. Good times! From there we went to Walmart to pick up a few things. Since "snowmageddon" is headed our way, we wanted to stock up on some items. I saw even more people I knew there. Of course, it's Jackson Walmart. By the end of our trip there, I was pretty tired. If I would have worn my pedometer, I'm sure I would have racked up some steps. My body ached a bit and I knew it was time to go home and rest for a little while. I just feel fortunate that I could get out of the house for a little while. :) We came back home, put on some comfy clothes, and lounged for a bit. I eventually fell asleep and took a nap. That felt pretty good. The rest of the night consisted of the usual...walking, trying to pet Macie without her knocking me over, building up my endurance of sitting in a chair, etc. For dinner we ordered from Pizza Pro. Yet another Jackson treasure, haha. It's funny how you realize all of the little things you miss when you've been away from home for so long. For example, the couch. It looks so inviting and I just want to lay down, snuggle up with a blanket, and watch some TV. My spine disagrees with that desire, so I guess I'll wait a while. :) Here are my scoliosis surgery tips o' the day:


When your nerves start to reconnect, expect to have really strange pains. For example, I have a place on my right hip that feels like it's getting punctured by a bunch of little needles when I use the restroom. It scares me because it honestly feels like I'm getting pricked by a nurse or something. I also am regaining feeling in the left side of my back, so I can feel muscles moving in places they've never been able to move before. Right now as I sit, I can feel one muscle rub itself against one of the titanium rods. Strange feeling, but actually kind of interesting. Today I've had neck pain, whereas it's usually been hip pain. I don't know if I'm starting to hold tension in my shoulders or what. Regardless, it still feels good to stretch my neck and make sure I'm not losing any flexibility. Right now, my neck is burning a bit so I guess I should head off to bed. January is almost over! Wow...the month has flown by. Goodnight! :)


I'll leave you with lyrics to my song of the day:


Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

Out and about

I woke up this morning and did a little walking. I'm trying to use my pedometer more so that I can see if I'm actually reaching my goal of 1 mile a day. For lunch I ate some grilled cheese and took some of my medications. I've been taking less of them as the weeks go by. I know there's always a chance of dependency, and I don't want to risk taking medicine when I really don't need it. Thankfully, the past few days have been better than last week. My hip pain today was actually bearable. Mom, Dad, and I got dressed and headed to Cape to run a few errands. First, we went to Target and saw some family friends while getting a chai latte. I sat down in an arm-less chair and got up with Dad's assistance. It was good to see someone I knew in public. It was quite strange being around so many people since I'm used to being in a house with no more than 5 people. I know it sounds crazy, but being in public can be pretty intimidating when nobody knows your situation and could bump into you at any moment. I had to constantly be on the lookout all around me so that I wouldn't either trip and fall or hit someone as I walk ever so slowly. Once again the looks on people's faces showed their confusion as to why it took me so long to get from one place to another. Regardless, it was good to feel normal again for a little bit. Getting some walking in while being somewhere other than the house was nice. A change of scenery is always good. We went to Cracker Barrel for dinner, and I lost my appetite for some reason. I was able to sit in a regular chair without arm rests. Yay for small victories, hehe. I ate some veggies, but couldn't stomach much more. My eating habits have been so strange lately. I feel sorry for my parents who have to keep up with me needing one thing one moment and another the next. I'm way more needy than I ever realized, haha. We came back to the house, and I've been working on applications online ever since (as usual). I'm going to go take a shower before heading to bed. I'm going to church for the first time since the surgery tomorrow, and I hope I can make it all of the way through. C'mon sleep and pain meds, don't fail me now. I'm excited to go since it's been too long. Anywho, I'm out of here. Good night!

Update post-shower: The five remaining steri strips are now gone from my incision. Now it's just time for the scar to heal. I'll take a picture for documentation. :)

Food for thought

I'll give a short update of my day, and conclude with lyrics to a song that has really been on my heart lately. As for today, I woke up around 9:30 (woohoo!) and did various things around the house. We fought off my nausea with some saltines and ginger ale yet again. Sometimes the meds don't like each other and decide they're going to make my stomach upset. Regardless, I was just happy to be out of bed before noon, considering that's what my body has gotten used to recently. No worries...I took a nap later on in the afternoon. :p Dad got Macie out and had her sitting on the couch calmly. Holding her very tight, he scratched her ears so I could pet her. I've missed simple things like petting my puppy. It was good to get some animal therapy. :) Shay was able to come over and visit for a little while. I'm so glad I got to see her! Of course she brought princess Autumn, who I was very sad that I couldn't get on the floor to play with. She is getting so big! I've missed Shay, so it did my heart good to see her. She's one of the reasons why I miss Jackson and enjoy being back in my hometown healing for a bit. Autumn was precious as always, blowing kisses and jabbering "Bobobobob". Her cat's name is Bob, by the way. :p Mom, Dad, and I ate chili for dinner, although I didn't have much of an appetite. That's been something that this surgery has altered, too. Sometimes I'm not hungry for foods I used to love, and other times all I crave is sweets. However, I refuse to get in that bad habit. After dinner was the usual walking routine, mixed with a bit of TV and relaxing. Thankfully, my hip hasn't given me a huge amount of trouble today. That is a huge blessing, considering that's where most of my pain comes from and drives me nuts. I've been trying to stretch more, which consists of raising my arms above my head and twisting my neck side to side, up and down. Dad is afraid I'm going to lose some of my flexibility since I'm so cautious and rarely go out of my comfort zone. I've been trying to bend more, staying within that 15 degrees that Bernie said. Bending only at your hips to wash your hands at the sink seems like a small task, but it takes some mental conditioning to not use ANY of your spine in the process. I do believe he has a point, so I've been trying to move as much as possible without hurting myself. It's funny, because sometimes the medicine will have me feeling so normal that I almost forget I can't plop down on the ground and play with my goddaughter. So much of this healing process is mental, and takes quite a bit of "mind over matter". Prayer has most definitely helped to keep me grounded, sane, and aware of the place from which my healing comes. If anyone of you is dealing with something that you'd like to talk about, or vent, or just want an ear to listen, please let me know. My goal for this blog was to let people know that regardless of our circumstances in life, we still have so much to be thankful for. When life makes us want to scream and run away, we should always put things in perspective and see the blessings we have. I'll leave you with the lyrics that have helped me so much lately.


When the world has fallen out from under me 
I'll be found in you, still standing.
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees, 
when time and space are through, 
I'll be found in you.
Theres distraction buzzing in my head 
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay.
I've heard rumours of true reality 
whispers of a well-lit way.