Life is like a box of chocolates

You never know what you're gonna get. Can you tell what movie I watched tonight? :) It was a good end to the day. I started off in quite a bit of pain. Probably one of the worst mornings so far. I have no idea why my pain in the mornings has become so severe, but I'm willing to try anything to make it stop. Maybe it's the mattress I'm sleeping on, or possibly my body shifting when I don't mean to in the middle of the night. Either way, it merited a call to my doctor in St. Louis. Eventually I was able to walk on my own, just in time to watch The Price is Right. Making my rounds, I was able to catch bits and pieces. That's generally how my TV watching goes, but it works for me. I got a few things together for Dad to run an errand before lunch. I owe him bigtime with all of the favors he does for me. When I feel comfortable driving, I'll owe him about a jillion favors. My day was pretty much the same as usual. I did have more random pains throughout the day, but that is to be expected. I have been taken off of about half of my medications, so I expected to be feeling more pain as those go away. I am a bit curious to see what the doctor says on the 28th. Hopefully it will be a good appointment, with him saying I haven't completely screwed up my spine somehow. I know it sounds crazy, but when I'm hurting so bad it brings tears to my eyes, I can't help but think I've done something wrong and caused the extra pain. I'm allowed to try and turn over on my side in the middle of the night, but I'm scared to move something too much or shift something just enough to harm my back. I've heard (and felt) my lower spine pop, which makes me a bit uneasy. Mom keeps reassuring me that I can't do anything to hurt myself. I guess when I have a lot of time to think, it makes me come up with all the reasons why I shouldn't have had surgery. I think about how I felt before the operation, and wish I hadn't taken it for granted. Then I get my right mind and remember that this was necessary. Later in life I would have regretted it had I not gone through with the surgery now. It will make my quality of life so much better. These are the things I have to tell myself when I can barely move without screaming. The pain is temporary. A year from now I'll look back and say "Hey Kelley...Why did you whine so much? It had to happen, it happened, and now I'm totally back to normal." I'm blessed that my current state will eventually go away. In the past week, two of my friends have had people they love get pretty sick. It's forced me to take my life now, pain and all, and thank God that I am making the progress I am. Please say a prayer for those who are in need of healing. Maybe this can be a time where you look at yourself and see how great you really have it. If you're healthy and in the company of people you love, smile and relax. I'll try to stop being such a negative Nancy and think clearly about my situation. All things considered, I'm doing just fine. :) Heck, I'm doing better than fine. Anyone reading this who has had a hand in making my life post-op easier, thank you. I appreciate your love and support. Even the tiniest bits of encouragement have made a huge difference. Thanks for putting up with my occasional freak-outs. I started this blog to put other people facing scoliosis surgery at ease, and it's actually done more for my healing than I intended. That being said, this entry is done. Goodnight guys. :)