Justin Timberlake's Bday

Happy birthday, Justin. I know it's the big 3-0, but as Sarah said, age is just a number. :p I woke up late today...probably my body compensating from all the energy I exerted yesterday. Nonetheless, I got to talk with Sarah on the phone for a bit. That was good, considering I rarely get to catch her when she's not busy now that school is back in session. I miss her! Her mom actually came by and brought a few things. First, she brought me new contacts and some solution (hooray!) since I didn't bring the ones I needed down here. I am very thankful for her taking the time to come out here. It was good to see a smiling face. :) She also brought Sarah's present to me for my bday. I got a sweet book called "Crazy Love". So many of my friends have been telling me that I need to read it, so I guess now is the time! I got balloons, flowers, and a stuffed animal too. :D Thanks Sarah and Dawn! Dad brought home some lunch from Little Miss Muffin and poor Macie whined the whole time she saw me eating it. Dad has been amazing lately, running errands constantly for Mom and I. He's always either driving to Jackson or Cape to drop something off or pick something up or do anything he can to help. He bought a new DVD/Bluray player today since our DVD player pooped out on us. We noticed it after watching Avatar and the characters were all green lol. I'll have to try out a schnazzy bluray movie sometime soon. Dinner consisted of food from My Daddy's Cheesecake. Yum! I tried a new sandwich I've never had. Look at me being all adventurous lol. After dinner we watched a little TV while I tried to get rid of my hip pain. Yesterday I had very little and today it came in spurts. Most annoying pain of the day? Most definitely the random stabbing sensations I have on my right hip area. They come so fast and hurt so much they almost make me scream. It freaks Mom out a bit when I randomly howl in pain, but it's just my body's immediate reaction. I'm wondering if some stitch has popped loose inside my skin or if the hardware is scraping against a muscle or what. I'm just weirded out by pains that I can't find their source. I expect back pain, that's a given. But as for strange momentary "I'm getting pricked by needles" pains, those are from left field. Anywho, I walked around some more, listening to my newly updated ipod that has songs Ryan was nice enough to lend me. It's funny how music motivates me to walk. I usually either use the time to pray, contemplate job interview questions, or listen to music lol. Tonight's music choice was a little Destiny's Child, some Usher, and (yes I'm ashamed to say it) Justin Bieber. Whatever makes me want to walk, I'll listen to it. I welcome any suggestions for those of you who jam while you're at the gym. Mom and I started to watch Invictus (or however you spell it) but I fell asleep halfway through it. My body is so strange right now with sleep. I swear it needs like 10 hours before it's content lol. I have to get out of that habit before I move back to St. Louis. I guess my body is finally making me listen to its demands for rest and healing. But it's just more fun filling out applications and sitting down to pet my dog. Which, by the way, was a success today. Today was the first day where we let her our of her cage while I was walking. She didn't attempt to jump up on me or anything! She was such a good girl, just being calm and playing with her toy. She even let me scratch her belly on the couch for a bit :) Canine therapy is a good thing. On a random note, I'm considering making a video to post on youtube featuring pictures I've taken throughout the surgery process. I've put pictures on facebook, but I want people who aren't my fb friends to be able to see my journey and possibly help someone who is headed down that same path soon. I guess I'll just use some of my downtime to put a video together and hope it inspires someone. It's weird how some of the weakest times of your life lead to the biggest blessings. I don't want to get all sappy and cliche, but if anyone reading this is going through a rough time, please try to think positively. There really is power in positive thinking, and I hope you are able to look past the current chaos and find beauty in small things. When I was in Hawaii, there was one certain flower that I looked at, and it was during a time where I was kind of freaking out about the impending surgery. For some reason, that flower totally made me realize how wide and huge and gigantic this world is, and how much intricacy and beauty is found everywhere. We live in a world that tends to dwell on what we don't have, but we should focus on what is already ours. Smile, take a deep breath, and let the immense awe and wonder of life bring a sigh of relaxation. The simple fact that I woke up this morning was a blessing. We take so much for granted. Actually, this is totally random, but here is my challenge for you today. "You" meaning anyone reading this. Take a scrap of paper and write down five things that you are thankful for. No, it's not Thanksgiving. I know we're past the "holiday season", but seriously think about it. Write down five things/people/places/etc. that you refuse to take for granted. Hopefully it might brighten your day a bit. :) Okay so I'm done being all philosophical and hippy-ish. Life is beautiful. That is all. Goodnight :)

Busy busy day!

This morning we woke up and went to church. It felt so good to be there, since I haven't gone in quite some time. I was lucky enough to see some people I haven't seen in a while, get some hugs from church friends, and hear that people had been praying for me. My name was even mentioned on the prayer list for people recovering from surgeries. It felt a bit strange sitting in the pews while pastor was praying for me, but I feel blessed to be a part of such a great church. I might even sing with the praise team once or twice before I move back to St. Louis. :) After church, we went to eat at El Torero. For those of you who aren't from the Jackson/Cape area, this is quite possibly the hottest joint in town, haha. Actually, it's just a mediocre Mexican restaurant with super yummy cheese sauce and the Heartland Special. I was excited to sit in a normal chair and eat at a normal restaurant. Good times! From there we went to Walmart to pick up a few things. Since "snowmageddon" is headed our way, we wanted to stock up on some items. I saw even more people I knew there. Of course, it's Jackson Walmart. By the end of our trip there, I was pretty tired. If I would have worn my pedometer, I'm sure I would have racked up some steps. My body ached a bit and I knew it was time to go home and rest for a little while. I just feel fortunate that I could get out of the house for a little while. :) We came back home, put on some comfy clothes, and lounged for a bit. I eventually fell asleep and took a nap. That felt pretty good. The rest of the night consisted of the usual...walking, trying to pet Macie without her knocking me over, building up my endurance of sitting in a chair, etc. For dinner we ordered from Pizza Pro. Yet another Jackson treasure, haha. It's funny how you realize all of the little things you miss when you've been away from home for so long. For example, the couch. It looks so inviting and I just want to lay down, snuggle up with a blanket, and watch some TV. My spine disagrees with that desire, so I guess I'll wait a while. :) Here are my scoliosis surgery tips o' the day:


When your nerves start to reconnect, expect to have really strange pains. For example, I have a place on my right hip that feels like it's getting punctured by a bunch of little needles when I use the restroom. It scares me because it honestly feels like I'm getting pricked by a nurse or something. I also am regaining feeling in the left side of my back, so I can feel muscles moving in places they've never been able to move before. Right now as I sit, I can feel one muscle rub itself against one of the titanium rods. Strange feeling, but actually kind of interesting. Today I've had neck pain, whereas it's usually been hip pain. I don't know if I'm starting to hold tension in my shoulders or what. Regardless, it still feels good to stretch my neck and make sure I'm not losing any flexibility. Right now, my neck is burning a bit so I guess I should head off to bed. January is almost over! Wow...the month has flown by. Goodnight! :)


I'll leave you with lyrics to my song of the day:


Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

Out and about

I woke up this morning and did a little walking. I'm trying to use my pedometer more so that I can see if I'm actually reaching my goal of 1 mile a day. For lunch I ate some grilled cheese and took some of my medications. I've been taking less of them as the weeks go by. I know there's always a chance of dependency, and I don't want to risk taking medicine when I really don't need it. Thankfully, the past few days have been better than last week. My hip pain today was actually bearable. Mom, Dad, and I got dressed and headed to Cape to run a few errands. First, we went to Target and saw some family friends while getting a chai latte. I sat down in an arm-less chair and got up with Dad's assistance. It was good to see someone I knew in public. It was quite strange being around so many people since I'm used to being in a house with no more than 5 people. I know it sounds crazy, but being in public can be pretty intimidating when nobody knows your situation and could bump into you at any moment. I had to constantly be on the lookout all around me so that I wouldn't either trip and fall or hit someone as I walk ever so slowly. Once again the looks on people's faces showed their confusion as to why it took me so long to get from one place to another. Regardless, it was good to feel normal again for a little bit. Getting some walking in while being somewhere other than the house was nice. A change of scenery is always good. We went to Cracker Barrel for dinner, and I lost my appetite for some reason. I was able to sit in a regular chair without arm rests. Yay for small victories, hehe. I ate some veggies, but couldn't stomach much more. My eating habits have been so strange lately. I feel sorry for my parents who have to keep up with me needing one thing one moment and another the next. I'm way more needy than I ever realized, haha. We came back to the house, and I've been working on applications online ever since (as usual). I'm going to go take a shower before heading to bed. I'm going to church for the first time since the surgery tomorrow, and I hope I can make it all of the way through. C'mon sleep and pain meds, don't fail me now. I'm excited to go since it's been too long. Anywho, I'm out of here. Good night!

Update post-shower: The five remaining steri strips are now gone from my incision. Now it's just time for the scar to heal. I'll take a picture for documentation. :)

Food for thought

I'll give a short update of my day, and conclude with lyrics to a song that has really been on my heart lately. As for today, I woke up around 9:30 (woohoo!) and did various things around the house. We fought off my nausea with some saltines and ginger ale yet again. Sometimes the meds don't like each other and decide they're going to make my stomach upset. Regardless, I was just happy to be out of bed before noon, considering that's what my body has gotten used to recently. No worries...I took a nap later on in the afternoon. :p Dad got Macie out and had her sitting on the couch calmly. Holding her very tight, he scratched her ears so I could pet her. I've missed simple things like petting my puppy. It was good to get some animal therapy. :) Shay was able to come over and visit for a little while. I'm so glad I got to see her! Of course she brought princess Autumn, who I was very sad that I couldn't get on the floor to play with. She is getting so big! I've missed Shay, so it did my heart good to see her. She's one of the reasons why I miss Jackson and enjoy being back in my hometown healing for a bit. Autumn was precious as always, blowing kisses and jabbering "Bobobobob". Her cat's name is Bob, by the way. :p Mom, Dad, and I ate chili for dinner, although I didn't have much of an appetite. That's been something that this surgery has altered, too. Sometimes I'm not hungry for foods I used to love, and other times all I crave is sweets. However, I refuse to get in that bad habit. After dinner was the usual walking routine, mixed with a bit of TV and relaxing. Thankfully, my hip hasn't given me a huge amount of trouble today. That is a huge blessing, considering that's where most of my pain comes from and drives me nuts. I've been trying to stretch more, which consists of raising my arms above my head and twisting my neck side to side, up and down. Dad is afraid I'm going to lose some of my flexibility since I'm so cautious and rarely go out of my comfort zone. I've been trying to bend more, staying within that 15 degrees that Bernie said. Bending only at your hips to wash your hands at the sink seems like a small task, but it takes some mental conditioning to not use ANY of your spine in the process. I do believe he has a point, so I've been trying to move as much as possible without hurting myself. It's funny, because sometimes the medicine will have me feeling so normal that I almost forget I can't plop down on the ground and play with my goddaughter. So much of this healing process is mental, and takes quite a bit of "mind over matter". Prayer has most definitely helped to keep me grounded, sane, and aware of the place from which my healing comes. If anyone of you is dealing with something that you'd like to talk about, or vent, or just want an ear to listen, please let me know. My goal for this blog was to let people know that regardless of our circumstances in life, we still have so much to be thankful for. When life makes us want to scream and run away, we should always put things in perspective and see the blessings we have. I'll leave you with the lyrics that have helped me so much lately.


When the world has fallen out from under me 
I'll be found in you, still standing.
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees, 
when time and space are through, 
I'll be found in you.
Theres distraction buzzing in my head 
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay.
I've heard rumours of true reality 
whispers of a well-lit way.

Too tired to update last night

Hola friends. So, last night I fell asleep before updating my blog. Oops. I'll give a quick recap of what went down. I woke up late (yet again) after being woken up at various times during the night to take medications. Amber had mentioned she wanted to visit, so she came over for lunch and shared some Wibs with us. Deeeelicious. We hung out for a while, chit chatted, and she showed me the amazing gift she made me. I was amazed. She created an entire scrapbook about our friendship. It is SO precious! I love it. I wish I could put pictures of it on here. I love that girl...she is so thoughtful and loving and always knows sweet little ways to make me smile. She went home and ran some errands for a bit. While she did that, I did some more of my oh so wonderful walking. On her way back, she picked up some food from Mario's for us for dinner. I love their pasta...so delicious! Their salad is fabulous too, since they have my favorite salad dressing. Anywho, we ate dinner and watched some of her wedding videos. Looking at Amber and Aaron, I can totally see the love that God has given them. They fit perfectly, compensate for one another, and make each other better people. I'm so blessed to have such a great married couple as a role model. She stayed for a while as we laughed about her reception and all of the funny things her guests said to her and Aaron that night. The video made me miss Sarah, though. :( Now that I don't have school to keep me constantly busy, I'm reminded of my best friend being all the way in Mississippi, and I wish I could see her more often. Regardless, the wedding was beautiful and I'm happy I was a part of it. Once she left, I did a little bit more walking, and then got ready for bed. Nothing more to say about the day, it was just generally a good one. :)

And I say "hey" what a wonderful kind of day

Ten cool points to anyone who can name the TV show where I got the lyric to title today's blog...Anywho today was pretty great. I woke up earlier than I have in a while (which felt pretty good). I had to get used to a different schedule for taking my medicines. Very long story short, Mom found out last night from a nurse that the lax time schedule we've been on since being released from the hospital could actually be causing me nervous system damage. I had no idea, but Mom got very little sleep last night because the nurse had her observing me at various intervals of the night, counting how many times I would inhale and exhale within a minute. If it got within a certain rage, I would have needed to be rushed to the ER. Moral of the story, make sure that if you're on as many medications as I am, that you take them consistently at the same times so as not to mix things that shouldn't mix.


Dad was nice enough to run to the store and post office to mail a few things for me while I ate lunch. I then spent almost two hours walking around my house. I've found that circling my family room while watching interesting TV helps me keep my mind off of how boring it is to walk in circles, haha. I got to pet Macie while laying in bed, which made me happy. I feel so bad that she has to be caged up while I'm walking around. I just don't want to take any chances of her knocking me over. I do miss snuggling with my baby. Before too long I'm sure I will be. :)


Perhaps two hours of walking was a bit much for my ever so lovely hips. I say that with the deepest amount of sarcasm possible. I rarely use the word "hate", but I HATE this hip/leg pain that I'm facing. I prepared myself for back pain, but my gosh when are my hips going to stop aching and sending shooting pains throughout my leg? Bah, I've complained about it enough. Anywho, I took a bit of a nap to relax and let my body chill.


Tonight was my first time going out to eat dinner since the surgery. Dad, Mom, and I hopped in the car and headed to Outback. Getting into the Denali was much easier than at Gretchen's house a few days back. It just goes to show that healing is a beautiful thing that sometimes comes about quicker than you'd think. Nathaniel met us there and we had a very nice meal. I'm pretty sure they don't want to take me in public anymore, haha. I had to get up every so often and walk because my hips were hurting so bad. Let me say this...I know what it's like to walk into a restaurant and have everyone stare at you because of a "disability". Please, please do not rudely stare or give looks of pity to people that you see in wheelchairs. I now understand and have empathy for people that spend every day in a wheelchair and it's no fun. People glare at you as if you are some sort of weakling. I'm not trying to get on a soapbox, but let me just say that it's so awkward when you feel the eyes of everyone around you staring at you, wondering what could possibly be wrong. I do appreciate those people who were kind and stepped aside to let me wheel on by. Don't get me wrong, I know people have truly good hearts and are trying to be kind and sympathize. I appreciate the efforts of people who are nice, but still allow you to retain some of your dignity. Once again, I digress.


After a delicious meal, Nathaniel followed us home for a little bit. He was nice enough to bring over a comfy chair that I might like to sit in. I appreciate his kindness and willingness to support me through my recovery. He also brought me an application for the school district down here in southeast Missouri where his mom teaches. I owe him big time for even thinking of me when it comes to that. I've learned through this process that there are some very, very good people out there. People with hearts of gold that are willing to go out of their way to show compassion and cheer you on you every second. To those of you who are reading this, I appreciate your encouragement, whether it be through silent thoughts or prayer. I'm honored to have the support system I have.


My night has ended with me completing two more job applications and calling it a day. I have to be up in about 20 minutes to take a pill anyway. Perhaps I should try to at least get a nap in before the alarm goes off. Sleep well, everyone. :)


But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Walk-a-rific day

Philippians 4: 11-13

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Today was yet another day where my middle-of-the-night shenanigans caused me to sleep until 12:30 PM. This whole "I don't sleep when normal people do" thing has to stop. For example, it's almost 1 AM and I'm choosing to update a blog. Regardless, here was how my day progressed.


I woke up to some delicious lunch brought home by my father. Wibs BBQ! Anyone reading this from Jackson understands my excitement. I had a combination sandwich while poor Macie sat in her cage next to me drooling. I made sure to save some bread and meat so she could have a snack. I haven't had Wibs since before new years, so it was a treat. Other stops on my list of Jackson eating establishments? Golden Gate, El Torero, etc. Basically, I ate a yummy lunch.


One of my great friends Amber called and said she was off work for the day. She wanted to know if I wanted any company. At the time she called I was not in the best of moods, so I told her I'd let her know. Before she could come over, I had to take a shower. Before I could take a shower, my dad had to install a new shower head downstairs. Before he could do that, he had to stop by Mom's friends house to grab a shower seat so I don't have to stand while showering. My dad drove all over the Cape and Jackson area just to help me take a shower. Heck of a guy, huh? My mom, on the other hand, was stuck here listening to me complain about my aches and pains. Both deserve a vacation to a far away place once I'm healed.


With my fancy new shower seat that I hadn't planned on using before the age of 80, I was able to sit down and release some of the stress on my back. Dad got a shower head that detaches so I can use it however I'd like, as opposed to one that sprays in the same direction the entire time. Long story short, I took a shower. Mom pulled off some more of my steri strips (tiny bandages that cover my incision). When I had gotten out, Mom helped me comb through my oh so tangly hair. I changed into some fresh new clothes and got ready for Amber.


She was nice enough to stop by Popeyes and bring over some dinner for us. We sat in the family room and ate those biscuits and chicken like there was no tomorrow. I don't remember ever eating their food before, and I was pleasantly surprised. After dinner, Mom made us some jello parfaits. Unfortunately, one fell over just in time for Macie (my chocolate lab) to eat it. Dad had her on a leash and I asked to get in bed with the rails up so I could pet her. Before he knew it and could restrain her, she jumped up on the foot of my bed. Thankfully, my knees were bent upwards and I was not hurt in any way. Scared a bit, yes. My big old humane society baby could do some serious damage if she were to be too close to me in my current condition.


Amber and I looked through some pictures, watched some TV, and she straightened my hair. It's so strange how little things can make you feel so much better. Amber is an amazing friend who definitely made my day. She is so uplifting and positive, while being hilarious all at the same time. She lifted my spirits so much that when she left, I did my usual walk around the house routine for an hour listening to Nsync and Michael Jackson. Perhaps that's why my hips are so sore right now...


It's time I get to bed. I'm getting nauseous and want to fall asleep before it hits me too hard. Sleep well everyone. :)


PS - It's been three weeks since my surgery. Woohoo! Feels like forever, but I know time will pass and I will look back on this experience fondly. I may be a wee bit excited about getting to that point. :p