Reflecting on the last four years

So yesterday I graduated from college. Crazy, huh? I don't think it hit me until just now that my university years are over. Driving back to my apartment tonight, I felt like I needed to write about my thoughts. This is the only time in my life I can say "I just finished my undergraduate experience" and feel what I'm feeling. At the moment, I'm a bit melancholy (yet again, Nate :p). There are certain things about my college years that I wish I could change. Fortunately, there is a great deal more that I would not alter in the least bit. A few reflections I have:

I wish I would have spent more time with friends. For quite a while I mismanaged my time, not utilizing it wisely. Now that I see the immense crowd of incredible people that surrounded me for four years. I want to make up for that.

As I sit in my apartment, I look around. So much of my life, so many transitions, have occurred while living here. Mandy and I moved in after two years of living on campus. Excited about the last two years of college, we jumped in head first. From losing loved ones to taking new paths, we experienced some pretty crazy changes. At times we both thought life had chewed us up and spit us out. Thankfully blessings came from insane situations. I've grown up quite a bit, realizing the strength God provides. It's all ended up just fine. :)

Now it is time to be a "big kid". I will now switch sides of the desk. Unbelievably excited about this fall, I know I have much to learn. I will be working long hours and losing some sleep, but it will be worth it. Every day I will come home knowing that I have chosen a wonderfully rewarding career that makes up for any frustrations that may arise. I am honored to be trusted with such an enormous responsibility and will not let anyone down.

My life has come to a point that I never expected. If you would have told me two years ago that I would have just shared a delicious dinner with the best family (and boyfriend) in the world, started preparing for my first classroom, uploading pictures of graduation celebrations, and packing to move back to my hometown, I would have laughed. I am absolutely in awe of how fortunate I am to be in the presence of phenomenal people that have each changed my life in very specific ways. Within the next few days/weeks I want to personally let everyone know how thankful I am for their place in my crazy chaos known as daily life. As for now, just know this. I love you all. :)

From spinal surgery to first words (and last), this townhouse has seen some crazy times. Sure I've cried so hard I could barely breathe. Other times I smiled, speechless at the beauty of life's unbelievable amazing-osity. Yes, I did just invent a word. :p It is just that good. I don't want to ramble, but I just wanted to let anyone reading this know that I appreciate any prayers you are willing to send up. This next year will be one of the most challenging of my life. However, I know with the help of my family, friends, and most importantly the grace of God, I will be just fine. I am here for anyone who needs me, in any way shape or form. Please let me know if I can help and pay back those who gave me so much during college. I am truly humbled. <3

I made a video :)

Going into my surgery, I saw videos and read blogs of people who had gone through spinal fusion surgery before me. I was inspired by these people, so I made a video of my own. Here is the link to it if you so choose to watch! :) My Scoliosis Surgery Video

Looking back three months later

Wow! It's been a while since I've updated my blog, so I figured I would harken back to the days of pain pills and steri strips and post something. Three months ago today I underwent spinal fusion surgery. Dr. Keith Bridwell at Barnes Hospital in Saint Louis fused four vertebrae (L1-L4) together with bone morphogenetic protein and solidified this fusion by placing eight screws and two titanium rods on each side of my spine. Almost four and a half hours after the operation began, I was sent to recovery. Thinking back on the past three months makes me incredibly grateful. I am unbelievably blessed to have made the progress I have, held every day in the hands of a God who cares enough about me to heal my wounds. Getting out of bed this morning, I remembered how much it used to hurt. Simply rolling over on my side, pushing up with one arm while bracing with the other, and sitting up while keeping my back straight used to cause horrific pains to shoot throughout my back/hips/legs. I remember a couple mornings where screaming and crying resulted from the mere shifting of my back a couple degrees in one direction or the other. Now I am able to get out of bed without anything more than a tinge of discomfort simply from rolling around in crazy positions while trying to sleep at night. I remember not even being able to move my hips an inch to the left or right without having someone pull the sheet underneath me until I was positioned correctly. Keeping hour by hour records of when I took what pill and how long it will last until I could take the next kind was just another facet of the day. Since I last updated my blog, a couple of things have happened. I have applied to 25 different school districts, and I am excited to hear some good news before too long. I'm continuing to foster my patience as I wait and see what God has in store for me. The second week of March I moved my stuff back to St. Louis and started substitute teaching. I have been fortunate enough to see some of my friends that I missed so much while I was recuperating back in Jackson. Many times I have driven back to J-Town for various reasons, getting to see fabulous people like Miss Amber who make me realize how fortunate I am to have wonderfully supportive friends. A little over a week ago, my grandpa (PaPa) fell and broke his other hip. I came down to visit him, and was sad that he had to spend his 94th birthday in the hospital. Yesterday was my mom's birthday, so I came down to celebrate with her. Basically, it has been a great couple of months. Last Thursday was the recruitment fair for Webster teachers and I was so fortunate that I got to go and see some of my long lost education friends. After the fair, I went to Cardinal's Opening Day with Dad and Nathaniel. We relaxed, enjoyed the game, and had a few laughs. Nate got to meet Erin and Nathan, which was cool since she's heard me talk about him for so long. We also saw Lilo, yet another random connection we have that completely amazes me. Without getting too giggly and smile-tastic, I'll just say this. Nathaniel has brought me so much support, comfort, laughter, and humility over the past few months. I am so blessed to have him as a cheerleader as I emerge from this surgery stronger and more resilient. My family has been incredible as usual. I could not ask for a better group of loving individuals who have been selfless and loving beyond what is expected of them. Looking back at my worries before the surgery, I have to almost laugh at the fact that I was concerned with how I was going to make it. I was so scared that things weren't going to fall into place. The amazing thing? I am in a much better place now than I was before the surgery. I have a healthy spine, second chance at weight loss, encouragement from countless sources, and a God who refuses to give up on me. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, supported me, made me smile, or helped out in any way since January 4th. The surgery was on my plate for 10 years before it happened, and now I am so thankful that it is in the past. I've met some incredible people who have endured the same surgery, and I am fortunate enough to share my success story with them. Hopefully people will get hope from hearing how I have healed. My intent was that I can, in some way, hold somebody's hand as he or she approaches spinal fusion surgery. Was it rough? Of course. Does it still suck that I can only bend ten degrees forward? Yes. Do I get frustrated when I drop something an inch in front of me but can't pick it up? Sure does. But what was the alternative? My spine twisting so much that it causes my ribs to compact on my internal organs? No thank you. I'll take a year of recuperation before a lifetime of aches and shooting pains. However, I could not have done it without my God and my family/friends. So if you are reading this, thank you for what you have done. I appreciate it more than you could know. :) <3

Your wave crashes over me

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I need to read that verse about a thousand times a day...and then maybe a few more times. *sigh* I might elaborate later. I didn't update last night, but I'll recap the day's events as best I can.

Sunday February 20th: Woke up and ate breakfast at Drury with Mom. The kids went to swim in the pool while I took a shower. It was my first stand-up shower in a long time, and I have to admit it was great! Although the shower seat has helped me out quite a bit post-op, I think I may be saying goodbye to it. Mom and I got dressed and Dad picked us up at the hotel after his swap meet. We went to see PaPa at the Veterans' Home. I hadn't seen him since my surgery, so it was great to finally see his new place and give him a hug. The kids enjoyed playing in the game room, but I was glad just to see a smile on PaPa's face. We went back and saw his room after he showed us around his new abode. He was careful when hugging me, wanting to make sure my back was healing up alright. It was crazy hearing a 93 year old man who just had hip surgery tell me to take it easy and rest up. He could walk faster than I could! Talk about showing me up...After we left there, we ate lunch at the Chinese buffet across from El To's. Man, Wilson loves buffets! He and Elly both enjoyed the smorgasbord placed before us haha. We had a delicious lunch and then headed back to the Kasten casa for a bit. Mark and Wilson watched a basketball game while Gretch took a small nap. Before too long they had to head back to STL so Elly could have a girl scout shindig. Sad to see them go, I came back inside and indulged myself in watching Hitch. Q-tip, q-tip, q-tip...throw it away. Right Mandy? :p Most of my night was made up of me walking around my house to get my daily dose in while watching Titanic and filling out applications. I got to chat with Nathaniel for a bit about his busy day before heading to bed. Unfortunately, the night was not as kind as the past couple have been.

Monday February 21st: I woke up to some back pain, which made me a bit uneasy. I should not have been so naive as to think that my pain had completely disappeared, but I was really enjoying the whole "no pain, lots of gain" thing. I got up without too many ouches or eeeks. Dad and I watched the Price is Right while trying to figure out our own bids. We had fun trying to guess how much 365 pairs of Nine West shoes would cost. :p For lunch, the 'rents and I headed to Pie Bird Cafe. I hadn't been there in a while, so it was interesting to see how the place had not changed much. I ate a deeeelicious grilled chicken salad with wine and cheese dressing. Of course I had to get a piece of the French pair pie to go, even though I was totally full. Now I remember why I had to stop eating there, haha. My pain kept bugging me intermittently, and I think it is because of the weather. Today was so rainy and icky, a total change from the beautiful weekend we had. Maybe the weather will calm down a bit and give my back a rest. We went to Cape to see if Kinkos could fix my pdf file size issue. They tried, but to no avail. Dad and I went into the Verizon store to check and see what is wrong with my phone. Interestingly enough, the guy found more wrong with my phone than I even knew was an issue. He suggested I call customer service and get a replacement before my warranty runs out in March. To make a very long story short, Verizon wants me to completely delete my phone and everything on it to see if that works before they send me a new one. My thoughts on that? Phooey. I chose to put the matter aside and deal with it another day. When we came home, I got straight to work on signing up for a recruitment fair. Let's just say I was frustrated with the file size issue, tried my hardest, and think I found a solution to my problem. Here's to hoping that I get some interviews! I wish all of my fellow teachers the best of luck in finding a job for this fall...Fingers crossed! The rest of my night consisted of walking (with tennis shoes, to keep my feet from getting sore) around my house while watching random TLC shows. Something about people who make massive structures out of balloons? What is TV coming to? Regardless, it was entertaining as I saw bits and pieces during my walk around the house. I sat down to work on an application that I need to mail in soon. Mom came into the room and wanted to watch a special on the Amanda Knox murder case, so I watched it with her. A few more circles around the house kept me busy as I talked with Lynne on the phone for a bit. It's crazy to think that in less than two weeks I'll be back in STL with her and all of my other lovely ladies. We chatted for a little while, and then Nathaniel called. It was good finally getting to talk to him since the past few days have been pretty busy for him. I kinda miss the kid...However, I get to see him tomorrow, so that is a plus. :) My verdict on today? Two steps forward and two steps back. At least I didn't regress, right? I'm just at a crossroads where many decisions must be made in the next few months and I have no idea where I'm headed. There's so much I need to pray about and seek God for when it comes to my future. Hence the aforementioned verse from Jeremiah. :) I need to trust in him and stop relying on my own plans. Sound like a plan? :p Goodnight everyone.

Heading off to bed early

This morning I woke up, tried to sense pre-getting-up pains and I felt none. Second day in a row? Score. :) I took a pill to let it set in before I got totally out of bed. After I got up, I changed clothes and talked with Mandy about seeing her before she headed back to STL. I missed that girl...I'm excited that when I get back to St. Louis we can hang out more often and make up for lost time. She stopped by and ate some Wibs that dad picked up. We got to chat for a bit and catch up, but not for long enough. She headed out and just about that time Gretchen and her family made it into town. They checked into the Drury by our house and then came by the house. Elly handed me my belated birthday present which was awesome! I got a build a bear that she and Wilson made for me. It has hearts all over it with a sweet shirt, headband, pants, and slippers! I love it. :) When you squeeze its hand, it says "I love you!" So great...I'll keep it forever. I also got a sweet warm blanket that I am excited to use very soon. We finished getting ready and headed down to Sikeston. They got there a bit ahead of us and got our name on the list. The wait was an hour and 45 minutes, so we decided to shop around. First, we stopped by a flea market that was bare at best. Then we headed to the outlet mall for a bit. After one store, the kids got so bored that Mark and Dad took them back to Lamberts to play in the arcade. Gretch, Mom, and I looked around at a few stores before heading back. We waited in a safe little corner area where I couldn't get bumped by one of the bajillion people in line. As usual, the place was packed. Eventually we got to sit down and begin the feast. :p Of course we started off with the rolls. Soooo delicious. :) Elly and I split one. Wilson decided to catch like 5 haha. He actually caught them on his own! So awesome. Elly caught hers too, and quickly set it down because of how steaming hot it was. We ate some okra as a pass-around while we waited for our food. I got a veggie plate and by the time it arrived, I was already full. 'Tis the story of Lamberts. I tried to eat as much of my food as I could, but to no avail. By the end of the meal we had about 6 to-go boxes full of food left to much on later. We stopped by the gift shop on the way out and picked up a harmonica for Elly and a bouncy ball paddle game for Wilson. I rode back to Jackson with the Clardys while Mom and Dad went home to let Macie out. Mom packed up our stuff to stay the night at Drury with Gretchen. We got an adjoining suite which was pretty sweet if I do say so myself, har har. The kiddos put on their swim suits and went straight for the pool. Mark swam with them while I sat nearby, trying not to get splattered by the ton of people who flocked to the hotel tonight. I went to the fitness room (which is actually just a sectioned off area of the pool room) and tried to get in some more walking for the day. Nathaniel stopped by after I asked for him to visit with the fam for a while. He brought Corey with him which was nice since I hadn't talked to him for more than five minutes before. We did a little swim watching and then Mom and Dad showed up. We chatted poolside for a while and then moved to the lobby. Mom had gotten food for Corey and Nathaniel, so they ate dinner while hanging out with us instead of their already planned guys night. I felt bad for making them change their plans, but they seemed to be alright with it. We sat there for quite some time just talking about random things until I made the boys leave and go see their friends. I walked Corey and Nathaniel out to their car and said a quick goodnight in the freezing cold before heading back inside. Gretchen, Mom, and I talked a bit in their living room area before the kids decided it was bed time. Dad went back to the house to take care of Macie since he has to get up early in the morning for a swap meet. I had my first little bit of pain while sitting in the recliner chair here at the hotel. First pain in two days? Not bad at all. :) God is truly a healer in so many ways. Physically, mentally, spiritually...He is so good! Now it's time for me to take out my contacts and hit the sack. It will be my first night of sleeping in a bed other than a hospital bed. Wow...big step. :) Ever since January 4th, I've either slept in a bed at Barnes or a rented hospital bed at Gretchen's and at home. Tomorrow morning shall tell if the mattress suits my back's twisted desires. Who knows if I'll have the best night's sleep in two months or constantly toss and turn. I will let you know tomorrow. :) Good night!

Best day of 2011 thus far

I just want to dance. :) That's all I have to say. Granted, my spine may strongly disagree with me. As for today? My spine was shown who is boss. God has been so unbelievably amazing, as usual. His blessings are neverending, and I can proclaim that He is worthy of all praise. Today has been incredible, and I shall begin at the beginning. At approximately 12:14 this morning I added a new wolf to my wolf pack. Haha in other words, I was lucky enough to call myself the girlfriend of Mr. Nathaniel Golden. I'm a big fan. :) I went to bed shortly after our conversation ended, deciding not to take a pain pill. I thought, if I wake up with pain, I'll take a pill then. Fortunately, I did not wake up once with any sort of back pain. This morning I woke up and tried to get myself ready to get out of bed. Normally, I can feel my muscles start to tense up and it scares me. This time, there was no tension. I sat up, and continued to feel no pain. Every other morning at this point I begin to ache/cramp/hurt ridiculously fast and have trouble walking. Today? I stood up and felt nothing. I couldn't believe it. I even started poking myself on my hip and side just to make sure I wasn't losing feeling in my body. Nope. Sure enough, I was pain free for the first morning since my surgery. Just wait, I thought. The pain will come. I ate some lunch and watched the second half of the "8 Simple Rules" episode I wanted to see. After that, I finished up an application that has been taking me quite some time to complete. I feel much better now that that is off of my shoulders. I did a few random things here and there, still waiting for the pain to show up. Nothing yet. Mom got the mail, and guess what was inside? My diploma! I am officially a college graduate. :) It was so amazing to open up that envelope and see that piece of paper I have worked so hard to attain. I also got a sweet pink watch in the mail that Sarah bought me. She got it from hello-somebody.com and the proceeds went to feeding orphans. I LOVE it and want to buy watches for all of my friends now, hehe. If you want one, head to that website and give their merch a look. It's a great cause. :) I started to make a few laps around my house and suddenly got somewhat tired. Sitting down on the couch, I succumbed to its comfy cushions. I ended up falling asleep and took about a 30 minute nap. That felt fabulous! I woke up and started to get dressed for the evening. While primping, I was able to do everything on my own without any help. Man, that feels good! I can see the progress more now than ever, and I know I still have much room to grow. I can't wait until certain restrictions are lifted and I can get even better. However, I must be patient. :) Nathaniel arrived and had to chat with the 'rents for a bit while I finished getting ready. We headed over to Shay's for a bit so I could see my beautiful goddaughter. It was awesome to get to see Shay since it's been so long. I missed her bunches. And that cute little Autumn? Precious as usual! She was jabbering along, just having a grand old time. We left there and went to his house. The cooking of the hot wings commenced, and we just chit chatted. It was good to talk more with his roommates that I haven't talked to as much. The boys cooked up some delicious wings, and we ate 'em up! Along with some edamame of course. Soooo delicious. That made me miss STL and visits to the Drunken Fish with my ladies! It will be bittersweet heading back there in two weeks. After dinner, the guitar playing and singing began. Man those boys can make some music. I'm super jealous, considering I never learned guitar. I sang along to a few songs, trying not to mess up the beauty they had created haha. I had a great time just hanging out and listening to their jam session. Eventually it was time to head home, considering two of the boys have to be at work in, oh, 5-ish hours. Great dinner, good company, fun times. :) He took me home and here I sit. Still pain free. What is the deal? No idea, but I love it! Pain or no pain, God has blessed me with SO much that I am thankful for every day. Wow...Sometimes when life should suck really bad, God has a way of turning into an incredibly beautiful situation. That's where I currently stand. :) On that note, sweet dreams everyone!

A little happy dance? Don't mind if I do...

Here's my day. It was a pretty awesome day. Therefore, this blog post may be full of bunnies, unicorns, and rainbows. Bear with me. :) I woke up this morning and watched a little Price is Right. Man I love that show...One day I want to be in the audience. Even better, be picked to "come on down" and bid. One dollar, Drew! Alas, my dreams will have to wait. I had a tasty lunch of tomato soup while watching one of the sitcoms I have come to enjoy over the past month. While in Hawaii, I started watching "8 Simple Rules". I knew that John Ritter had died while the show was still airing, so I was curious as to how the show dealt with it. Today I saw the first half of the episode where he passes away. I rarely ever cry when it comes to movies/tv, but man I was close to it. On facebook, a random girl added me. I was a bit apprehensive, but she and I had some mutual friends who have had scoliosis surgery. I accepted her request, and it turns out she had her surgery a week before me! How crazy. :) She is from England and had a longer fusion than I did. My surgery was 4 1/2 hours long, and hers was 9...Wow! I love how I've come to know some great people who I would normally have never met had it not been for my crazy spine. Gotta love scoliosis. :P For a while I worked on some application stuff, then took a shower. As the days go by, each shower becomes less of a hassle. A lot of things are coming easier to me now, such as getting in the car, dressing myself, maneuvering throughout the house without falling and busting my face. After doing a few different things here and there, I got my tennis shoes on (which is also becoming easier). Nathaniel picked me up after he got off of work and we headed to the park. We walked around the big trail and chatted for a while. Then we went to the hillside by the band shell and got ready to fly kites. Unfortunately, one of the kites was missing a part, but we still had one! Man, it's been so long since I've flown a kite. It was simple, yet fun, relaxing, and entertaining. We got it to go up pretty high, keeping it at a nice distance for some time. Sadly, the samurai kite hit a strong wind that caused it to lose its cross bar. Down it went into a tree, much to my dismay. We went over to fetch the kite and had quite a time trying to convince the tree to let us have it back. I found humor in gigantic ten foot tall Nathaniel jumping to try and grab the string from a tall branch. After a valiant effort, we ended up breaking the string and calling it a day. We headed back to the car and then drove to my house. Mom had left a muffin from Miss Muffin's Cafe near the front door for him to keep. He decided to come inside for a minute before heading off to the gym. It was very nice of him to take me outside on such a perfectly windy day for kite flying. This week's weather has been incredible. I'm so glad I got to go outside and enjoy much of it! After he left, I ate some dinner and started to watch Shawshank Redemption. Then I realized I didn't feel like watching a somewhat sad/depressing movie (yet such a great one), so I changed the channel to watch some SNL. Of course, it was my favorite episode. December 2006, Justin Timberlake as host and musical guest...magic! Haha. I have realized that I should not sit in the recliner in the room we eat in because every time I do, I start having pain. No bueno. I received a call from Mr. Golden and we talked for a bit about some pretty great stuff. Don't you just love a good conversation? People that can communicate well fascinate me, and I appreciate a quality discussion. Let's just say that this one ended a little after midnight and on a very happy note. :) Although this blog was about February 17, I think I like the 18 better...More to come, so stay tuned, haha. Love you guys! :)